Adman Holtzweiler arrives in Houston, takes prompt photo op with US President.

The principal of Hope Communications in the UK, Philippe Holtzweiler, is back visiting with us again. It’s a working trip for our long-time overseas advertising colleague. He’s come over to see the French-American Chamber of Commerce as well as spend a few days with us.

We’ve already taken the occasion to drop by David Adickes’s yard at SculptureWorx for an amusing moment with Barack Obama – when asked about our presumption, the President was speechless.

You may already have met Holtzweiler at various events, like the recent AMA mixer at The Gallant Knight. His next appearance with be at next week’s Nouveau Beaujolais tasting at the Hilton, before his triumphant return to Europe. (And thanks, Philippe, for the stopover.)

Hope’s “Bores”

Today’s post comes from Philippe Holtzweiler, Principal of Hope Communications in the UK and long-time Dailogue colleague. To begin with, he refers to my own Lifeless Snoozers. Take it away, Philippe.

Dearest Richard, obviously, your biting humour is keeping its sharp edge and it was very entertaining, as usual, to read your blog on dull advertising (the one on waste was not wasted either). As you time and again extend your blog into an intercontinental chronicles, may I contribute two further examples?

I have been preparing for some time a large-scale conference on communications between France and Germany (marketing-wise and beyond) and I have collected a few nicely boring ads to underscore and entertain some peculiarities.

1. Kneipp Mineral Water. It is probably just a bedical drip bottle turned upside down, with the difference that drip liquids are seldom carbonated. It will “keep your life in balance,” says the claim. To me, this acts as a potent incentive for a very rough ride on the wild side. By the way, it’s a brand new campaign, not one from the ‘70s.
2. Mazda. This one dates back to 2005…a fascinating example of a specifically French brand of obscure dullness: The dullness that appeals to your intellect. French marketers like the idea of advertising as a self-sorting device to exclude the morons and reward the cognoscenti. So if you get the point, you are clever enough to earn the product. And if you don’t, well, stupidity will not kill you (and if it would, you are outside the target group anyway).

I suspect it gives a feeling of cleverness to the creative director, too, as a welcome side effect. So here you are. Did you get it (you need no French at all)?

It took me at least five minutes (and all my ambition not to fall into the “moron” case). That new Mazda (not shown) is sooo fast that it takes a giant board to attract within a split second the driver’s attention to the hiker’s destination. Why San Diego? I suppose the art director just wanted to go to Arizona at the client’s expense for a shooting on location and a couple of cold beers (you cannot buy a picture that bad from any image bank, so it’s the only option).

SIGNALWRITER: Are you sure you want to hammer on the Mazda “San Diego” ad, Philippe? Although it is by JWT Paris (“French marketers”), it did win a 2nd Prize at Prix Club des Directeurs Artistiques 2005 for individual print, and a Bronze Lion at Cannes in 2006 in the Cars & Automotive Services category.

HOLTZWEILER: This is an example of self-congratulation at its very best. As I have always suspected (and know from my own experience), there is a strong ‘feel good myself and be part of it’ motivation in those ads, along the line ‘look how damn clever we all are.’

Very obviously, this seems to get out of control when a jury congregates.

I insist – and I take the risk of being considered outdated – on the fact that there are some fantastically witty, clever, to-the-point ads produced by big agencies (although rather by Wieden & Kennedy or the defunct Fallon McElligott and Rice or some of the best UK agencies than by JWT)…this one, on a very objective plane, just misses the point altogether. There is only one point in advertising: To increase the target group’s urge to buy the product. That might begin with ads that are no riddles.

As Rosser Reeves – I'm well aware that nobody at JWT Paris ever even heard of him – once said (more or less), “Do you want art? Or do you want that damned sales curve to move up again?”

Amicalement…Philippe.

Big Texan

I told Philippe Holtzweiler about this. I mentioned it to at least two Belgians who looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. Half a dozen Scots were extremely skeptical, if not downright disbelieving: Nobody, nobody in the world, could eat a 72-ounce steak (that's 2.4 kilos, right?) in 60 minutes.

We're talking about The Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, friends, where the current record-holder is a young man weighing in at 195 pounds – he ate the entire piece of meat plus all the fixings in just 53 minutes. The restaurant and its challenge has been around for years and is well-known among aficionados of Americana.

(If you eat the entire steak and all the fixins' you get the entire meal free. We were told that someone tries the challenge approximately once a week – and one person out of seven is successful.)

I first ran across it, oh, a dozen or more years ago when Mary Jo Martin (now of Cynapsus), Alan Vera and I came up to Amarillo to work with a company called Corporate Systems...we ate at the place although even then I had zero inclination to try eating a single piece of beef as big as a dinner plate and almost three inches thick.

The restaurant is still booming – Barbara and I visited it this evening on our way into Amarillo, our stopover on this week's road trip to Denver. It's still serving great gobbets of beef, though they've added slots and an electronic shooting gallery opposite the bar (I don't remember these last time I was up this way.

And yes, the restaurant still offers the humongous steak and it's even more intimidating now that we're trying to cut down. Nevertheless, we had a couple of good pieces of beef (not even in the same county, size-wise, as the 72-ouncer). We resisted our waitress's blandishments about dessert – imagine trying to eat a piece of chocolate cake the same dimensions as a Hoyo de Monterey cigar box!

I wanted you to know, though, that if there's such a thing as “wretched excess” (or even died-and-gone-to-Heaven steak and lots of it) you can still drop into Amarillo. If it weren't a 600-plus-mile car trip, I'd have driven the gaggle of OTC visitors up here myself, just to see their eyes bug out.

You'll just have to come up yourselves. Oh yes, special for Cameron Wallace: The Big Texan has Stella Artois on draft for $3.95...how many glasses do you want with your steak?

Barbara’s Orbi

“Orbi combines the benefits of SafeCut technology with a unique, ergonomic design that makes it the most comfortable and easy-to-use can opener ever created.” This note is from LaPrima Shops, describing the GC11836 Can Opener created by Jump Design Inc. for Good Cook®.

“No more dangerous edges. This revolutionary opener cuts into the side of a can, leaving a smooth ridge and a top you can lift straight off with bare hands. The ergonomic handle is easy to turn.” So sayeth theKitchenStore.com under the can, jar and bottle opener category.

Bed, Bath & Beyond: “If you are tired of the awkwardness and strain of twisting and turning traditional can openers, try the Orbi Safe Cut Can Opener, the easiest, safest and most comfortable opener around. Not only does it leave lid and can edges completely smooth, but it prevents cross-contamination by never letting the blade or lid come in contact with food or fall inside the can. Plus, the Soft Touch comfort grip and user-friendly design make it great for those with arthritis, reduced grip strength, limited dexterity, carpal tunnel syndrome and tendonitis.”

And our simple favorite from Amazon.com: “Open a can without bleeding.”

There’s no advertising that I’m aware of. Jump Design, in Loft 10b on Van Brunt Street in Brooklyn, is self-described as a small industrial design firm that specializes in designing innovative consumer products: In our spectacular office location we design inspired products which are sold at Target and other major stores.

The only contact name I’ve found is Jürgen M Parlowski. If what I suspect is true, he and his team have found a terrific model: Create “needful things,” match them up to marketing organizations, and let those companies do the selling. Jump Design (I’m seeing parts of Parlowski’s name here) just keeps on doing neat work.

Good Cook promises “a metamorphosis in kitchenware” and it does advertise. (The name is a registered trademark of Bradshaw International, Inc., and not to be confused with The Good Cook, from The Book of the Month Club.) Good Cook was launched in ’87 – good job there – and, according to its website, has now captured 43% of the market in drug and grocery stores. That’s superb testimony to the company’s products as well as its distribution methods.

But Barbara discovered the Orbi in a mail-order catalog, purchased it immediately and now swears that it is the best can opener she’s ever used. Since Barbara has arthritis and has had difficulty with can openers for years, this is more than a gadget – it’s a blessing.

There’s a WOM component to this story, too. Shortly after Barbara started using it, Philippe Holtzweiler came over from the UK for the Offshore Technology Conference (see here). In addition to being a combat shopper, he’s a gadgeteer of the first magnitude. Barbara showed him the Orbi and opened a couple of cans with it. Holtzweiler jumped on the Internet, ordered it up and had it delivered overnight. He took his Orbi back to Bishop Stortford with him after OTC was over.

I’m not so much of a gadget fan myself…but Barbara’s the perfectly suited consumer for this perfectly designed utensil: A match made, originally, in Brooklyn.

My OTC

This seems a good day to break cover and resume posting to the blog – especially since Susan Kirkland has written a post that a number of consultants will likely read and ponder. The energy industry does not come off well, though it’s really not the subject of Susan’s post.

As I mentioned in my response to it, though, I have devoted the past 30 days or more to maintaining connections with colleagues, clients and prospects at OTC.08 – this year’s Offshore Technology Conference here in Houston.

It’s the world's largest offshore energy event. This year’s attendance reached 75,092, the highest in 26 years and 11% more than in 2007: With more than one-half million square feet of exhibition area, the show included 2,500 companies from more than 35 countries in an area the size of 13 football fields.

With oil at $128/barrel, it’s not surprising that there is plenty to see (from gigantic hardware to advanced software) and do (visit clients on the show floor, shake and howdy with people from a dozen or more countries).

In no particular order, thanks to my colleagues – Rob Schoenbeck of area51, Philippe Holtzweiler of Hope Communications – who attended breakfasts, luncheons, cocktail events and the exhibition itself; handfuls of clients who welcomed me into their booths and their activities; hundreds of Englishmen, Scots, Germans, French and Belgians who opened up their hands and their hearts to meet one more Houstonian. And the thousands of OTC volunteers who, every year, make a trade exhibition like this possible.

Do you believe that doing better business depends on how effectively you can communicate benefits, advantages and features of your brand one-on-one?

OTC.08 was a massive example of how well you did your job. My clients did great, though I say so myself.