Hoven’s Joke

An old-time Southern, hellfire-and-brimstone country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of Jim Beam whiskey and a Playboy magazine.

“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school this afternoon, I’ll see which object he picks up.

“If it’s the Holy Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

“If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.

“But Lord, if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good, low-down drunkard. What a shame that would be! And worst of all.... if he picks up that magazine, he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ no-good bum.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed. As he turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he reached out and placed the Bible under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar, flipped it once in the air and dropped it into his pocket. Then he uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired Playboy’s Miss July.

“Lord, have mercy!” the old preacher disgustedly whispered. “He’s gonna be a Congressman!”

There’s no gag like an old one, so thanks to Paul Hoven for this great story; and Wikipedia Commons for the photo.