Feds Nationalize “Avatar,” Intend Film Earnings to Cover TARP Shortage.

Declaring that “All your revenue are belong to us,” President Barack Obama announced that the US government was nationalizing James Cameron and his entire production team. In a Rose Garden news conference today, the President predicted that the runaway box office earner would support his administration “for years to come.”

“Avatar” is a fantasy film by Cameron. It was released in cinemas on December 16, 2009. Until this movie’s premier, another film by Cameron, “Titanic,” has been News Corp’s highest grossing film worldwide (and, yes, the highest grosser of any film ever) at $600.8 million.

The new film features tall blue aliens, not Leonardo diCaprio. It earned $30 million over this past weekend alone, according to studio estimates, with its domestic (US) total reaching $594.5 million.

Nationalization is the act of taking an industry or assets into public ownership by a national government. Some nations hold that no compensation is due, based on socialist notions of private properties, so Fox Studios, News Corp and other so-called “owners” of the film are completely screwed.

In Washington, a speaker for US Department of Agriculture has said the administration also intends to use the studio’s marketing arm to help sell General Motors vehicles for the next two years. “We’re going to figure out how to sell those Chevrolets,” said Deputy Undersecretary for Marketing and Regulatory Programs Ann Wright, “and we plan to use the world’s best marketers to do it!”

The nationalization process is the responsibility of the USDA because McDonalds restaurants are using “Avatar” toys in their Happy Meals.

USDA budgets, however, rarely equal those of consumer marketers. How much did the “Avatar” production team spent on marketing, advertising and licensing? Chud.com’s Devin Faraci has noted, “The $400 million number doesn't include marketing, which is going to be monstrous for this film – well over $100 million in marketing, easily.” American Public Media’s marketing program estimates that the number is even larger, $150 million. Due to film industry accounting methods, no one will ever know the real figure.

After the announcement, the White House indicated that the film revenues would be used to cover budget shortfalls but had “no comment” about the President’s new look.

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