Spring Break in New Jersey #2: Staying with Family, We Avoid Problems. Outstanding!

Thanks to Rachel Baron and Alison Bond, we’re able to take a complete pass on certain kinds of vacation challenges.

I’m talking about the challenges of having to stay in a bad motel. How do I know? I have researched the “10 Warning Signs of Motel Misery.” Let me list ‘em for you:

1. The free mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.
2. The “complimentary” morning paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.
3. The bed’s Magic Fingers® vibration is supplied by a foot-powered bicycle pump.
4. You have to wait ‘til the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.
5. There is still some yellow tape on the doorway – the kind they put around nuclear accidents.
6. The pictures are artfully placed to cover up recent earthquake damage.
7. There’s a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.
8. You have to move the body in order to plug in your phone charger.
9. The only TV station you can get is a current events talk channel hosted by Eleanor Roosevelt.
10. The wake-up call comes courtesy of a great big guy with a shaved head.

Seriously, we’re looking forward to the visit – going to enjoy ourselves big time. Thank you in advance to everyone in North Bergen…