Louder! Louder!

You don’t have to believe me – believe the Associated Press: When it comes to “aloha shirts,” louder is better. There’s a full (if brief) list of dos and don’ts in a recent story by Nicholas K Geranios. He does a great job of laying out the greats and the near-greats of the burden we really big guys have to carry, fashion-wise.

The article also mentioned Greg Chambers who founded the Mad Gringo company and from whom I buy an occasional shirt. (Some of his are a little too laid back.) On the other hand, Chambers tells a GREAT story including at least one line in Geranios’s article:

And if you stretch beyond three [shirts], people start in on the “It’s so sad to see someone give up like that. His poor wife!” That would be me, I guess – and Barbara.

We were at dinner Saturday evening, at Chatter’s, when another couple was seated next to us. He was wearing a slightly less loud shirt than mine, which was a 90s’ Hilo Hattie with bathing beauties all over it. We complimented each other on our exquisite taste but I could tell I won the prize: I’d out-louded him.

I can’t show you the shirt – I don’t have a photo handy – but I sure do have this picture of the one, the only Hilo Hattie. (There’s an excellent story about her career here, by Dee Buckingham.) Part of it goes:

…in 1971, while she was at the the Merry Monarch Festival, Evelyn and Richard Margolis of Kaluna Hawaii Sportswear approached her for permission to design a line of ‘Hilo Hattie’ clothing. Kaluna, already a million dollar business, purchased a manufacturing plant in Hilo, bought the rights to Hilo Hattie’s name, and, as they say, “The rest is history.”

The firm and its retail outlets are still in business.

That AP list? Do:
■ Do: Buy at least one size too large.
■ Believe that louder is better.
■ Compliment another guy on his rockin’ shirt.
■ Wear them with a solid blazer for formal occasions.

Don’t:
■ Ever tuck them in, unless you are Thomas Magnum.
■ Wear them with a necktie.
■ Wear a shirt with matching pants or shorts.
■ Wear a matching shirt with your spouse.

Some sad new: The story appeared in the Fort Worth, TX Star-Telegram. Several respondents posted quite negative comments about aloha shirts. Tsk, tsk.

Some glad news: Catherine Mallette of the same newspaper is asking for “aloha shirt” submissions – the winner might get a future feature out of it. I told her about the 37 loud shirts I own, though I’m not too sure that’ll impress her. Ta…

A big loud “thank you!” to Donna Giles for sending the article along. The photograph is from Buckingham’s series in the Hawaii Reporter about “Women of World War II Hawaii.”