Sunday Supplement Advertising: Envy is Pink on Deer Leases This Season.

I’m having a hard time with the Academy Sports + Outdoor “Hunter’s Headquarters” supplement today…putting that pink pistol under the headline STOCK UP FOR HUNTING SEASON. On the other hand…

“Dang,” Big George Ardmore pronounces to Boy-John Jones when he finally gets up to the top of the deer stand. “I do not recall ever seein’ you or anyone else I know carry a pink gun on this deer lease.”

Boy-John turns right into that. “Big George, this here is a Taurus PT 22 automatic pistol, which I have acquired for the everyday low price of $229.99 from the fine folks at Academy up in the big city.”

“That’s a mighty small hole in the front of that pee-sto-lay,” Buddy Rounds advises, sneaking in a comment from his seat on top of the beer cooler. “Still and all, that hot pink grip sure makes a statement.”

Boy-John is known for a bit of a temper but keeps his feeling damped right down. “I’ll have you know that this ain’t pink. It’s rasberry – said so right in the sales flyer.”

“Yeah, well, I saw that flyer too,” Buddy says. “First off, they done misspelled ‘rasberry.’ They’s a ‘p’ in that word and the advertiser left it out. Second pretty important point – the flyer says it’s Caliber .45 ACP which is plain wrong.”

Buddy reaches into the cooler for an early-AM beer and hands another over to Big George. “And finally, you coulda got that same firearm from Shermbob’s Guns in Pennsylvania for just $190 plus shipping.”

Without one more word, Boy-John turns his back on his buddies, clambers down the ladder and wobbles his way over to the four-wheeler which he fires up and roars off on in the direction of the cabin.

Big George turns to Buddy and says, “I am sorry he got all heated up – I was just gonna tell him how well I thought that ‘rasberry’ pistol grip matched his Jimmy Choo whipstitch ankle boots today.”

That’s it for Sunday. Don’t forget to stock up for hunting season your own self: Jimmy Choo fashion footwear available at Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom.

“Andrex® Shea Butter Knickers” Drive TP into UK Top Brands List?

In a Sunday story reporting the Top 10 Brands in British grocery stores, it wasn’t the news about best seller Coca-Cola that attracted me. I was riveted by Andrex – the toilet paper that’s the No 9 brand in the grocery stores over yonder. (It is in The Grocer ’s annual Britain’s 100 Biggest Brands survey.)

The puppy is so charming – and the “Be kind to your behind” slogan so clearly British – I could hardly wait to get to the brand’s website. That’s when I discovered the most luxurious toilet tissue ever has tapped Ayten Gasson, identified as a British lingerie designer, to create its limited edition range of Andrex brand Shea Butter Knickers. Just ₤10 the pair.

Now I have received certain – so to say squeamish – comments about using a beautiful, luscious, four-color photo of Italian lingerie model Elizabetta Canalis in a previous Signalwriter post. This time I’m playing safe: you get the pup. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

However, Dear British colleagues, here’s your chance to help me get to the bottom, ha ha, of this special announcement. American’s have had their own love affairs with TP (“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin’,” 504 TV commercials, etc.)

So give us the story behind Andrex, ha ha. Some of us Yanks want to know what we are missing.

“D’oh!” Dunkin’ Donuts Launches a 2011 Campaign, Hold the Homer.

There aren’t many famous quotes about doughnuts but we’ll always have Hollywood. Perhaps you don’t recall Chevy Chase remarking, “A doughnut without a hole is a danish!”*

Then there’s – oh yes – Homer Simpson. The iconic donut consumer. The most influential everyday Joe in America, if not the world. So I’m wondering about the news that Dunkin’ Donuts released early this week. The company announced it’s launching a new multimillion-dollar marketing campaign for its coffee business because the competition for coffee-drinkers is heating up.

I mention Mr Simpson because the new retail campaign is being called “everyday Joes,” at least at this point. However…it appears that these particular Joes will be drinking the fairly well known Dunkin’ Donuts coffee rather than chow-hounding the chain’s crullers. Kim Conte, writing on The Stir blog, has already noted:

The commercials, which star ordinary people (firefighters, cops, construction workers, etc.) who are fans of the brand and auditioned for the spots last year, are accessible and relatable.

Dunkin’ Brands’ John Costello, chief global customer and marketing officer, is quoted as saying: “The love that our customers have for Dunkin’ Donuts is truly unique, and this campaign ties into that passion in a very personal way.”

I buy Mr Costello’s “personal” and – given the strong product identification in the TV spot I found online – there’ll be some gain in share-of-coffee-slurpers. The new commercials have been created for the campaign by Hill Holiday in Boston. I haven’t seen them running here, possibly because the Dunkin’ Donuts stores have all but disappeared from my neck of the woods. There’s a store northwest of me, 7510 Highway 6 N, which I’ll visit to see if there’s evidence of the new “I’m Drinking Dunkin’” campaign theme.

But I wonder: Can you truly separate the coffee from the donuts? It’s like calling the old Kentucky Fried Chicken by a new name, KFC, and hoping that everyday Joes won’t notice that you’re still selling the wonderfully sinful chicken. Or donuts, or whatever else is supposed to be bad for the American people this week.

Dunkin’ Donuts will probably do just fine. But here proximity tops brand: one of Dunkin’s few Houston stores is still 11 miles away. I’ll stick with Starbucks^†, thanks.

*That was in “Caddyshack,” look it up. ^†Even with the revised logo. Actual illustration of “Homer Simpson” created by Matt Groening. Copyright ©2006 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All rights reserved.

New Wheaties Fuel™ Intro Features Grim-Faced Guys for Man-Marketing.

They’re back – frowning athletes who seem to reflect the idea that sport is serious business. The cop-an-attitude that turns sporting events into gang rumbles or combat maneuvers is now on every box of Wheaties Fuel, the newly evolved “delicious honey cinnamon crunch!”

General Millis is rolling out the new generation of Wheaties, the first cereal admittedly marketed to men. This probably explains why the creative consultants for the new breakfast yummy* are high-performance celebrities from a variety of sports...all men.

As a marketer, I get the need to evolve the Wheaties brand. I love niche-marketing to men after decades of skewing in the other direction. And I cheerfully admit that the cereal-maker is making a valiant attempt to capture the macho/humorous appeal of the light beer advertisers – for this, watch the videos on the website.

I think what I’m reacting to, since a sample box arrived with my morning paper, is the imagery of the frown. I’ve been watching it grow for years, infecting first the photos of high school footballers who, at 16 or 17, keep glaring out of the newspapers like they’re carrying pistols in their pockets. This has shaded over into the current iconography of some women’s teams, too, from fast-pitch softballers to high-school lacrosse players.

Prospectively, there were other avenues the Wheaties product-line people could have explored (there’s an admittance of experimentation in the marketing materials). But the “brooding look” created by Minneapolis ad agency Boom Island goes beyond the joy of winning into the dour realm of do-or-die-trying.

Now I put an asterisk (*) by the word “yummy” above because, when I finish this post, I’m headed to the breakfast table to try the latest version of The Breakfast of Champions, wherein the third listed ingredient is…sugar, the sixth is honey and the 11th is brown sugar syrup.

Hell, no wonder these guys are glaring. Their teeth hurt.

Napoleon’s Underpants and More Fun Hermann Historica Ads. Aus Deutschland!

Nifty creative. Very layered. It’s hard to know where to start. But really, how often do you get to see an Emperor’s muffin-top?

The science of advertising – metrics, pay-per-clicks, performance – is often dismal. This ad campaign from Hermann Historica is not merely refreshing. It is hilarious in a geek-inside-joke sort of way.

The specialized German auction house makes it plain that it is willing to sell you the clothes off the backs of military figures from all periods of history. Arms and armor. Greatcoats. Military uniforms. Medals. Firearms and swords. Trousers! Every great execution, from this Napoleon painting through the late 19th Century German Imperial Court to Washington crossing the Delaware River, pays off the simple framed headline:

What once was theirs can now be yours.

So first a tip of the bearskin cap (French Old Guard or British Grenadier) to the company itself. While I wish that some of the charm of the ads had been added to Hermann Historica website, advertising and web are fulfilling two different functions.

Second, a hand salute to Heye and Partner in Munich. Peter Hirrlinger and Zeljko Pezely (CDs), Florian Binder (AD) and Christoph Gahwiler (Copywriter) delivered wonderfully funky and involving visualizations of the concept.

Example? Napoleon packed on the pounds over the years – 90 kg or 198 pounds by 1820, according to scientific investigation. That’s a lot of weight on the Emperor’s five-and-a-half-foot frame and, as you can see, he looks properly porky in this ad illustration.

That great detail, and so many others in the ad campaign, are the contribution of Kunstsalon Posin, a German art studio specializing in fake paintings and operated by three talented Russian brothers: Eugen, Michael and Semjon Posin. You have to see them…go on, check out their website…to understand that this ad campaign was probably (hopefully) a knee-slapping fine assignment from the agency.

Please note that I have refrained from saying anything about Napoleon’s “plumber’s crack” or more politely, “buttock cleavage.” Even though it seems like Marshal Joachim Murat (the other guy with the funny hat) can’t keep his eyes off Bonaparte’s backside.

Well done, Germans. Talking frogs may work fine on TV but this level of wacky detail is the geek-stöffe that print ad dreams are made from.

“Napoleon’s Underwear,” Kunstsalon Posin, Berlin, for Hermann Historica, Linprunstraße 16 D-80335, München. After “Bataille d'Iena. 14 octobre 1806.” by Horace Vernet, Musée national du Château de Versailles.

Just another cruising brand: Op is cool – says so right on the label.

Op also says it is “The Original California Lifestyle Brand.” When I realized that the brand on the swimsuit I bought at Walmart for the Panama Canal cruise comes from a familiar company, I felt, like, all mellow. Dude.

I closely non-resemble the brand demographic, representatives of which appear in the Op ad on this page. In fact, check out the Op brand site and you’ll see just how non-similar these happy youngsters are to moi.

That’s okay – there’s room for a lot of brands in the world. I’m just intrigued that Op is owned by Iconix Brands. The last time I wrote about one of this company’s brands, it was London Fog® trenchcoats.

This post’s about cool-dude-beachwear branding and I’m proud to have the chance to re-examine the brand-holder. Inconix bought the Op brand – Ocean Pacific – about four years ago for $54 million and has revived it rather nicely. But then, that’s what Iconix is famous for – being a licensing dynamo and all. The company has a whole bunch for great and busy retail marques, including the Joe Boxer®, Badgley Mischaka®, Mossimo® and Candie’s® brands – the current “Candie’s Girl” is Britney Spears.

The self-proclaimed Iconix biz-model is using licensing to generate predictable revenue streams (thanks to contractually guaranteed minimum royalty payments) combined with trendsetters in aggressive advertising and promotion. Good, bad or ugly, the beautiful people – Spears, Eva Longoria Parker, Madonna, etc. – do generate attention.

Iconix Brands also seems quite smart about keeping certain brands in strict channels and mindsets. Op is for Walmart. Mudd® apparel is available only at Kohl’s. Rocawear, per the website, “was established…off of the meteoric success of co-founder Shawn ‘Jay Z’ Carter…to fit the urban lifestyle and…street-savvy consumers.”

What happens in most all of the Iconix brand demographics hardly ever touches me and my life. And any suggestion that my Op swim trunks are too young for me will be met with knee-slapping, laugh-out-loud agreement.

For a marketer and advertiser, though, I applaud what Iconix Brands is doing at both wholesale and retail – you might want to look into just how brand-savvy the company really is. And cool or not, I’m running away to sea. Later, dudes…