Packaging Sells or Fools? A Good $4 Pinot Grigio Pretends to Be Worth More.

No, that is not perfume there on the right. But in the way-overcrowded world of package goods, packaging does count for plenty. You’ll find one example after another of packaging bravos (eg, Minute Maid) and blow-ups (Tropicana). So when I’m shopping a mid-range supermarket and I run across a bottle of Italian pinot grigio that looks like Voga’s, I’m automatically suspicious that this wine is dressed-up drabble.

Still, we’re currently testing cheap whites so the Pinot Grigio from Voga ICRF in Calmasino, Italy, “fell” into the shopping cart.

One nutshell description: The packaging of Voga Pinot Grigio 2004 caught our attention. Unlike virtually every other wine bottle on the shelf, Voga’s 2004 bottle is a perfect cylinder, with a large vertical logo imprinted on the bottle. Even the closure, which is a bottle neck that accepts a standard cork, is camouflaged by a black plastic cover that matches the diameter of the bottle to extend the cylindrical appearance.

I gotta inform you that the Voga website continues the hype...molto artistico, miei amici. Do visit because I was riveted by the flashy flash with semi-nude people and the home page’s suggestive photo. What do you think?

Today’s Signalwriter™ marketing opinion? The taste of Voga Pinot Grigio doesn’t meet expectation. So it’s a cheap lesson in over-hyping (the store discounted the already low price by 10%), a sort of alcoholic “Where’s the beef?” If anyone’s old enough to remember that campaign.

This interesting and quite comfortable-feeling bottle also presents today’s marketing lesson. Sizzle may sell the steak one time, but a very ordinary vin is no way to gain a repeat stakeholder base. Così spiacente, Voga.

Dear HugeDomains.com: $995 is Too Much for this Blog Name – Ya Pirates.

I have missed the opportunity to make a lot of money. Again. Mainly because I wasn’t clever enough to [a] gobble up a bunch of neat url names and [b] hold them for ransom. Here’s what the “About” part of the pirates’ site says:

HugeDomains is a premium domain reseller site that strives to bring you brandable domains for your business at a fraction of the cost.

So this firm not only has Signalwriter (which is a brand name I invented) but also SignalDepot and SignalBay and – oh yes – HowToBeACopywriter. Dot com.

Still, fair is fair. I did create the Signalwriter name – it’s a trademark. But these folks thought hard enough about the subject to scoop it up and purchase the url before I (finally) got around to it. It is the part of the model of capitalism to offer for sale something that people want to buy.

I therefore admit to sour grapes. Arrrh!

(At least HugeDomains.com does not own www.sourgrapes.com – that’s a Warner Bros url.)

Signalwriter Marketing Blog is the property of Richard Laurence Baron. “Signalwriter” and “Signalwrite” are trademarks. All rights reserved. Painting: Muti, jene Trauben sind sauer, Joris van Son, c 1660-1665.

Google (v.t.) Celebrities and Trench Coats – See What You Get.

They’re everywhere – celebrity endorsers for each of us and all of us. Now there’s a fresh Harris Interactive/AdWeek poll that says:

…one in five Americans (21%) say they find athletes to be most persuasive when they endorse a product, followed by 18% who say TV or movie stars are most persuasive, 14% who say singers or musicians and 10% who say former political figures are most persuasive.

When it comes to how other celebrities rank in the category of least persuasive, almost one-quarter (23%) say TV or movie stars are least persuasive, while 14% say business leaders are least persuasive. Just 13% say when athletes endorse a product they find them least persuasive and 11% say singers or musicians are least persuasive.

It’s clear that the pollsters took no account of the “Trench Coat Factor.” TCF ramps up the cool quotient – even for McGruff the Crime Dog. You knew that. Best for Sunday…

As Advertised, London Fog® Trench Coat Does Not Recall the Western Front.

When I was growing up, trench coats did not look like this. Even London Fog trench coats didn’t look like this. Even so, I was shaken (if not stirred) to discover that the much touted Gisele Bündchen ads for this classic fashion line did not show up on the brand’s website.

Or maybe the print ads made it to mags like Vanity Fair; for general web consumption though, we get Eva Longoria Parker and her spousal unit.

So…it’s March 7, 1954: Saks Fifth Avenue becomes the first store to offer London Fog raincoats, in a New York Times ad. The new line of men's raincoats, from Londontown Clothing Company, is specifically designed to reflect the style of World War I trench coats – complete with epaulets, sleeve straps, and a belt.

The Saks ad describes the coat as “The perfect answer to everything a man can ask for in a raincoat. Remarkably lightweight and wrinkle-free ... it actually resists creasing even after packing.”

(The Londontown president, Israel Myers, has grudgingly used the brand name London Fog for the new line; he rejected it originally because he didn’t think it would attract customers. Saks’s 100 coats sold out immediately, even though the $29.75 price tag was more than double that of other men’s raincoats.)

Myers didn’t invent the trench coat – that’s down to the Brits in the Great War; as you can see by this 1932 Sears ad, the “durable trench model” retailed for just $2.98. Twenty years and a miracle DuPont fabric later, Saks charged 10 times that.

Today, Dillard’s advertises the woman’s model London Fog “Long Trench Coat” in stone, garnet, chocolate or black, for $99 in The Houston Chronicle. I noticed that, oddly, there was no Bündchen here. (But plenty more of her here. Ah – advertising!)

Frank White: “Did you hear about the forklift that slipped on a banana?”

Frank White the Photographer has spent the past 20 years shooting CAT® Lift Trucks for company marketing and advertising. And having fun at the same time. “You’d be surprised at how creative you can get with them.”

To show off the fun, and as a tribute to a great client, White created this year’s Art Crawl series, “Ten Things Run Over by a Forklift.” Eyeball them this coming Saturday, November 21, at Frank White Studio, The Docks, 1109 East Freeway, Houston 77002. I’m looking forward to seeing them – I gotta believe a banana is one of the things. Will I see you there too?

“Smushed Matte Board,” © 2009. The Houston Art Crawl is the annual tour of downtown’s warehouse district art studios, 10:00AM – 9:00 PM.

Adman Holtzweiler arrives in Houston, takes prompt photo op with US President.

The principal of Hope Communications in the UK, Philippe Holtzweiler, is back visiting with us again. It’s a working trip for our long-time overseas advertising colleague. He’s come over to see the French-American Chamber of Commerce as well as spend a few days with us.

We’ve already taken the occasion to drop by David Adickes’s yard at SculptureWorx for an amusing moment with Barack Obama – when asked about our presumption, the President was speechless.

You may already have met Holtzweiler at various events, like the recent AMA mixer at The Gallant Knight. His next appearance with be at next week’s Nouveau Beaujolais tasting at the Hilton, before his triumphant return to Europe. (And thanks, Philippe, for the stopover.)

This Veterans Day, “Lets Go” with James Edward Hairgrove, 1945.

When James Edward Hairgrove went off to war, his two first cousins went with him. The boys – James Edward, Billy Wayne and Charles – were all born in 1926 but James Edward was older by a few months, 19 to the others’ 18.

James Edward was the oldest son on a working East Texas farm. He took a six-month deferment on that account; it kept him out of some of the worst battles in the Pacific War. That half-year delay would work in his favor right through the end of World War II.

After basic, Billy Wayne and Charles stayed in Fort Bliss and taught riflery – they’d all grown up hunting. James Edward was in California for additional training, went home to Texas to visit family before shipping out, the only cousin that went overseas. When this photo was taken, he was on his way back to the west coast, to board ship for the invasion of Japan.

He arranged his trip back from East Texas so he could lay over in El Paso for eight hours and see his cousins at Fort Bliss one more time. In their clean Class As, they went down to Juarez – where this picture was snapped, July of ’45.

James Edward’s the one on the right. That’s cousin Billy Wayne in the middle and cousin Charles there on the left.

James Edward shipped out of California at the beginning of August to join Operation Olympic, the initial invasion of the Japanese home islands. He was at sea for a day and a half when the first atomic bomb fell out of the bottom of the B29 Enola Gay onto the city of Hiroshima: August 6, 1945. Eight days later Japan surrendered and World War II was done. (James has always called President Harry Truman “hero” because, thanks to the atomic bombing, he didn’t have to invade the country.)

James Edward completed his service as a basic infantryman in the Okinawa occupation force, guarding prisoners, escorting Red Cross ladies. After the island’s own 82-day-long battle, 90% of its buildings were utterly destroyed. The tropical paradise had been shelled, blasted and burned into a huge expanse of shattered trees, mud and decay.

Then he returned to Texas. The magisterially named Aurora Council Hairgrove, the cousins’ grandfather, had sworn he’d live ‘til the three boys came home from the war. They did, safe and sound, and he was waiting for them. Not everyone came back for this and other American wars. Today’s the day we remember all – including those at Fort Hood.

In addition to James Hairgrove: Paul Hirsch Baron, Emmanuel Katz and Sam Slavik. Tom Ritter. Phil Slavik. Norman Sabel and Sherman Sabel. Joel Hirsch Goldberg. Thomas Biddulph, Richard Dailey, Richard Fox, Bill Gay and Richard Sutter. David Starr. Frank B Foulk. Chris Hrabe. AJ Smith and Paul Hoven. John Naumann.

George A Schuler, Jr., Alan Vera. Nathanael Charles Yonka, Jr. Hoi Nguyen and Ellis Alexander. The names from the Gunroom (you know who you are): Paul Johnson, KCMO, and “Charlezzzzz” Muñoz. Charles Rose and Bill Krull. Gary Bearden. Bernard Mazursky. Harold Borenstein and Phillip Becker. Clarence Everett Latham and Irene Helen Phillippe. Meyer Horwitz. And me.

Every year this list grows longer – you’re welcome to add names of your own.

*Thanks to James’s daughter (and my colleague) Kay Hairgrove Krenek for the photo and the story.

Flying Cows! Event-Marketing a Ben & Jerry’s Opening in Prague.

Once upon a time, Graham Rust left England’s mountains green to open an ad agency in Prague, in what would become the Czech Republic. Many years (and a lot of Dialogue International meetings) later, he and his team not only produce great advertising but also fun times down on Wenceslas Square.

Unilever, the corporate owner of Ben & Jerry’s since the turn of the century, picked the capital of the Czech Republic - and Rust, Klemperer sro - for the first major launch of the brand in Eastern Europe: “Vermont’s Finest in Prague!”

Rust staged the initial shop’s grand opening with cows – flying and otherwise. Transplanted pastures. Motorized hay bales. Free Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, right in the heart of the city. From this morning’s Dialogue International newsletter, Rust speaks! “A week before opening the first scoop shop we bombarded Prague with stunts featuring the champion cows. Teasing actions like parachuting cows, cows riding Segways and giving away paper cones which could be exchanged into real ones at the opening day.”

On Opening Day, July 30th, Rust brought the party to the people in Wenceslas Square.

Having stood my very own self hip-deep in crowds in Na Příkopě on the corner of that huge open space in Prague, I have to tell you that it takes flying cows to get Ben & Jerry’s noticed. As you can see by these photos (and more here), the peeps are eating it up.

Ben & Jerry’s, despite being owned by Unilever, still has adoring support. As Graham says, it’s “such a special, individual, quirky, passionate, human brand.” Therefore, congratulations to Rust in Prague for being so ice-cream-social. Now close the circle. Post the agency’s opening day photos to the Ben & Jerry’s Facebook site and squeeze just a bit more promo for yourselves out of them cows.

Thanks to Rust and the affiliates of Dialogue International not only for news from abroad, but for the ongoing relationships. Have a scoop of Mission to Marzipan on me.

Driving East to Edom, She’s Going, Going... (Casual Sonnet)

“Traveling to Edom.” Long e, short d-o-m.
A friend is driving there tomorrow,
Going east to see the sights.
Going for the antiques, going for the day.
That part of Texas is more green than red.
Will she find a worker of the ground along the way?
A keeper of the sheep?
Or is an Esau waiting for her?

She may share his pottage at the Shed Café,
A strictly down-home menu, every dish an antique tale.
Birthrights sold up by the register.
And Abraham so recently deceased.
Driving east to Edom, she’s
Going, going, g-o-n-e.

Copyright © 2009, Richard Laurence Baron.

Website Design Houston – Three Words to Spark Some Thinking and a New Site.

Is your website sad? Is your website mad? In your website bad?

I can find real examples on the Worldwide Web – the planet’s smallest website, for instance. Find sites devoted to the worst sites on earth. Discover a website that demonstrates just how bad a bad site can be.

Which is pretty hilarious so thank you, Angelfire. But it’s real, even today.

Just as real, the fact that clients and prospects already use a company’s website as the critical link between them and the products or services they seek to purchase. First-visitors judge a company by its site. A goodly portion of websites are outstanding. Many are sufficient. Unsurprisingly, there are still a lot of frogs out there, websites that are just plain “sad-mad-bad.”

So Brian Bearden and friends (of which I am one) put their heads together – it was a challenge to come up with something different. That led to the sad-mad-bad concept. As of now, here’s this service that delivers effective relief when, for instance, a company website:
▪ Is outdated – and looks it!
▪ Suffers from neglect (it’s been put up and forgotten).
▪ The design or layout is old.
▪ Visitors wait – and wait – for your site to load.
▪ Hotlinks are broken and don’t work.
▪ The type’s too small and the pages are hard to read.

Those are just a few of the problems mentioned on the new WebsiteHoustonRedesign.com website. Although there are a lot of web outfits in Houston who can fix problems, there aren’t many that can combine great “redesign,” effective web SEO, hard-working content and push-related website marketing activities.

This is a Houston website design solution that promises to make websites glad. I’ve kissed my share of frogs (likely a career record, mine) so I’ll be checking back to see how this works out in terms of SEO and sales activity. I will report the results. “Thank you for your support.”

PS: If you don’t believe WebsiteRedesignHouston.com, check out similar awful fates from SAP Design Guild. And thanks to Michelle Webb for her hard work.

“Where is it?” Chevy Advertises Volt but It’s (Still) Not Ready for Prime Time.

It’s been coming for at least two years. It was “formally” announced in a Chevrolet commercial aired during the 2008 Olympics. It became the butt of jokes during the Detroit meltdown – and so did General Motors.

It’s the Chevy Volt. Maybe it’ll get 230 miles-per-gallon-equivalent. Maybe it’ll never see the light of day, although the pre-production test cars have been completed. Maybe I’m being unfair. But you know, a car isn’t a software package – people who want to buy won’t wait on Volt vaporware (remember that term?). American consumers will buy Toyota hybrids and Hondas.

Commenting on Autoblog, “Owlafaye” noted:

The Volt is being designed according to General Motors’ old way of doing business. By the time it gets to market it will be an obvious anachronism. The advanced automotive technology from a myriad of other manufacturers, and due to debut at the time of (and before) the Volt, will bury this foolishness and relegate it to Edsel status.

I normally defend good marketing but it seems like Chevrolet has confused teasing the public with unfulfilled promises, again. Are you a believer? Too bad.

Betting McDonald’s Brand is Recession-Proof despite The Wall Street Journal.

On Thursday, McDonald’s got zinged by Julie Jargon writing in The Wall Street Journal. While admitting that “The recession helped McDonald’s Corp. more than other restaurant chains as consumers traded down to fast food,” the reporter also noted:

Lately, though, the company's same-store sales growth has begun to slow, leading some to wonder whether investment opportunity is shifting to the casual-dining sector…. If US unemployment continues to rise – as it did last month, to 9.8% – it could hamper any broader industry recovery and hurt McDonald’s results in the US, where the company gets most of its profit.

Now I have to say, first, that Jargon’s report is much more balanced than the excerpt implies. But second, the article knocks the company in front of a particular group of McDonald’s stakeholders that may have little interest in the brand but lots in the share price. Jargon raises a question where none really has existed.

I am not a shareholder. I’m not following the charts and the graphs. But I do think that the McDonald’s brand is extraordinarily strong. Unlike the US manufacturers of cars, consumers still love this brand and keep buying its products: It is America.

With McDonald’s, I believe that unique personality that no competitor can claim is the reputation of America’s Restaurant. How do we capitalize on that reputation? By relating McDonald’s to our lifestyle – our own human experience.

Jack Smith, who would retire as Group President and Deputy Chief Creative Officer of Leo Burnett, McDonald’s long-time ad agency, said those words in April, 1986, to the company’s franchisees. He said in the same speech:

Reputation advertising is the kind that works very hard on the…long-term sales and top of mind. You (McDonald’s) are America’s Restaurant and nobody’s going to take that away from you.

Over this past quarter-century or so, McDonald’s has, like the rest of us, suffered many slings and arrows, although I can’t recall personally suing the company for clumsily spilling apparently hot coffee over myself. It’s been criticized repeatedly for being too large. Too unresponsive. Too exploitive (of beef, grass lands, workers, plastics, paper products) and too liberal and too conservative. It has been accused, all by itself, of causing Americans to be fat.

Through all this, McDonald’s has hardly ever lost sight of the fact that it is, de facto, America’s Restaurant. That’s how the company behaves. That’s how the company responds to economic crises. That’s how its corporate behavior appears in radio and TV commercials, billboard, print ads, websites, promotions – well, you name it.

Leo Burnett’s Smith spoke 23 years ago about TV commercials that now appear to be old-fashioned. Yet McDonald’s keeps to the same vivid brand theme. And if it’s the World’s Restaurant now, instead of just America’s, I’m lovin’ it. It’s a fine long-term brand ROI.

Thanks to Rob Schoenbeck for the timely sharing of Jack Smith’s 1986 speech.

I Borrow an Ad Memory or Two about Armstrong and BBDO.

Such a charming reminiscence came out of The New York Times this week. Ad columnist Stuart Elliot offered a response from an older reader about the “proper” pronunciation of his agency’s name:

When I worked at BBDO, from June 1951 to March 1954, nobody in the agency called it anything other than “BBDO.” The switchboard operators who answered phone calls always answered in a very stylized, “This ... izz ... BBDO!” Outside the agency it was usually called, I guess, “BBD and O.”

One account I worked on was Armstrong Cork. I used to take the Pennsy to Lancaster at least twice a month. Everybody at Armstrong called the agency “Batten’s,” because Armstrong had been a client of the Batten Company for many years before Batten’s merger with Durstine, Osborn & Barton in 1928, which then morphed into Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborn.

Elliott thanks the reader and answered:

Although “the Pennsy” – the Pennsylvania Railroad – is no longer chugging, Armstrong, now Armstrong World Industries, is a client of BBDO’s to this day.

Now perhaps it is lazy of me to make a post out of an existing story line, especially one featured in Elliott’s column. Armstrong has been a BBDO client for at least 58 years. I couldn’t track down the exact number (although I bet someone in New York knows it). I couldn’t honestly tell you that Armstrong doesn’t use other agencies of all sizes and shapes, either.

It is always fashionable to feature the medium-of-the-moment and fawn over the edgiest boutique. That is the nature of the new. But I point out that really long-time account retention is not only possible but continuously rewarding for all parts of the client-agency relationship. Frankly, it’s heartening right now to observe this kind of thing. I’m an alumnus of BBDO (though more recently than the early ’50s); I hope it’s true that great shops never die.

Whoever said “nostalgia isn’t what it used to be?”

Thank you for the 1952 Armstrong Flooring ad from Retro Renovation, which notes that the “neutral grey works just fine with the orange and chartreuse paint.”

Making the “Winter Hawaiian” Shirt? Start with a Cilla Ramnek Fabric.

I’d give you the shirt off my back but first I want to blog about it. Then, after giving plenty of credit where it’s due, I’d like to wear it at least through the upcoming Houston version of winter. That’s because this is a sort of cold weather-weight Hawaiian shirt. I call it “Stockholm Syndrome.”

I had this made for me – really, I asked Barbara Nytes-Baron to make it for me because she can sew and I cannot. To start with, I’d wanted to get away from run-of-the-mill tropical prints. It’s a good thing I found this interesting fabric at Ikea…reminded me of lava lamps.

The not so good thing: It’s an upholstery fabric, which means it is quite a bit heavier than shirting. Still, Barbara had the sewing pattern and the patience – that’s how we came to invent this shout-it-out cold-weather camp shirt.

The fabric was created by a Swedish fabric designer, Cilla Ramnek. She’s said she doesn’t see any conflict between design, craft and art; but then, maybe she hasn’t found out yet what one of her fabrics has been turned into…not my own line of tropical wearables per se but an adventurous addition to the celebrated Baron collection of bold, bright tropical shirts. (I’m ready for my close-up, Mr DeMille.)

No brands were hurt during the production of this winter/tropical camp shirt. Eat your hearts out, Mad Gringo and Hilo Hattie.

And if designer Ramnek throws up her hands and swears off fabric art forever, well, I’m heartily sorry. This shirt IMO makes a statement and it is not “Attention – this guy needs taste replacement surgery stat!” Be sure to look for us on the runway in NYC next Fashion Week…La Guardia 31.

Shirt: “Stockholm Syndrome.” Fabric: Saralisa Collection. Designer: Cilla Ramnek. Pattern: Simplicity #3852. Crafter: Barbara Nytes-Baron.

If a Better Boeing Brand Bombs, It’s Not So World-Ending.

Big is back. That’s the word from The Economist. The August 29, 2009 number even has a whale on the cover to emphasize its story, “The return of the corporate giant.” Big’s beautiful again even if for some of us the beauty part never went away. And The Economist mentions Boeing in the same sentence as Yahoo (in terms of 1998 capitalization, the nod went to Yahoo).

Coincidentally, in the 9/15/09 Marketing News, Elisabeth Sullivan wrote a three-pager about Boeing’s recent brand developments – her “Building a Better Brand” case study is available here. As a survey piece it’s not so bad but it leaves a couple of questions hanging around.

The how-it-came-to-be article trumpets a cohesive brand identity story, carefully quoting Boeing’s Fritz Johnson and Jim Newcomb; Boeing’s ad agency Draftfcb; corporate design firm Methodologie Inc; and (wait for it) an aerospace and defense industry think tank exec, Teal Group VP Richard Aboulafia.

The narrative gravely mentions “brand DNA” and “triple helix” and “design roadmap.” All good things, all quite contemporary. “Everyone should be managing the brand,” Newcomb says, adding that every employee now is interested in Boeing’s branding process.

For public consumption, though, it seems like the Boeing brand is constantly being reinvented. Whatever happened to the Horizons Global Advertising Campaign that Draftfcb launched for the company at the very end of 2001?

Was that the same introduction as the much-touted $50-million “Boeing: Forever New Frontiers” global television and print advertising campaign? Boeing’s brand management VP Anne C Toulouse said at the time (January 2002):

This campaign captures the spirit of Boeing, celebrating the power of human imagination and technological achievements…the Boeing brand is one of our most valuable intangible assets. Our investments in the brand help strengthen the company's long-term business position.

Now the company’s apparently gone back to the drawing board. It’s possible that the spirit of the big company changed in the eight or so years since “Forever New Frontiers” went public. Eight years is a long time in major corporations these days. (It’s also like the sign I once saw in a 3M conference room, “We’re going to keep having meetings until we find out why there’s no work getting done around here.”)

More telling to me is the hesitation Marketing News attributed to Aboulafia, the defense industry think-tanker. He’s wary of endorsing any external manifestations of the Boeing “One brand, One company” strategy discussed in the Marketing News article. Maybe he suspects that a new mega-branding effort on the company’s part will have little if any impact on its military and civilian customers and prospects.

Boeing isn’t just a mighty big company, with more than 158,000 employees in the US and 70 countries. It’s a mighty big brand, too. It’s been the world’s premier manufacturer of commercial jets for 40 years and arguably the most influential producer of warplanes for, like, forever. Despite the company’s participation in a wide array of other industries, from finance to software, it is principally viewed as an ironmonger.

So it probably doesn’t matter if the corporate people are tinkering with the cohesiveness of the company image. Boeing’s products…fly. That’s a great brand.

PS: I spent a large part of my military service time with aircraft produced by McDonnell-Douglas, now a key part of Boeing: A-3s and A-4s, and the propeller-driven C-47s, C-54s, C-117s. I’m a long-ago member of Mach Nix, which may explain why I’m slow on the uptake: Why didn’t I write this blog post back in May, when Boeing per-share price was $29? Photo: USAF.

Darden in BrandWeek: “No discounting.” But if the menu’s big bucks...

It is the convergence of events that’s arresting, rather than the events themselves. As with the feature article by Elaine Wong in BrandWeek yesterday, combined with today’s arrival of The Capital Grille promotion from American Express that you see above.

BrandWeek is interviewing Drew Madsen, Darden Restaurants’ president and COO; the piece is titled “Why ‘Deep Discounting’ Is Not Always the Winning Recipe.” In the second paragraph, Darden goes on at length:

We’re also seeing a [bit] more pressure on our higher price, higher check [restaurant dining] concepts, so brands like The Capital Grille—a fine dining steakhouse that’s priced at $90 or so a person—have seen a bigger impact than Olive Garden, which is [around] $15 a person, and we’re seeing a little bit of a decline in the overall check…a big part of the check erosion is due to all of the deep discounting that’s going on with competitors trying to get more people [eating at restaurants]. That discounting is essentially sacrificed per person per check. That’s not the case at Darden.

There you go: No deep discounting at Darden Restaurants. It’s holding the line, maintaining “the integrity of our brands and the strength of our business model long-term.” Unless the menu’s so expensive that half a C-note doesn't count as...deep.

This is a company with great brands, but Darden [NYSE: DRI] is only performing “fair” in the current economy. The company’s seen negative EPS growth this past year; it’s just reported a decline in same-store sales in five brands in the quarter that ended August 30, 2009.

Maybe there was a timing gap between the actual interview and its publication. Maybe it’s just an oversight; or the difficulty of knowing about single little promotion. I really did have to laugh, though, since the AMEX $50-off postcard arrived in the mail just 15 minutes after I read what Madsen had to say.

Give the interview a look. Madsen talks a good brand-value game. But he concludes his interview this way: Everyone can talk about having value and do what’s right or wrong when times are growing, but when things are tough, that’s when your values are put to the test.

I won’t be testing The Capital Grille’s values even with my “$50 gift certificate” promo – the menu’s still too pricey. Barbara has coupons for Red Lobster instead.

“Jesus is the Sticker on the Bumper of My Soul” Gets Real Lyrics.*

When your engine’s barely pulling
And the ride is kinda rough,
When your life is really feeling
Like it might be getting tough.

There’s a fine hands-on solution
Sure to ease the way you go:
Let the Lord be your mechanic!
He’s your all-time maintenance pro.

Well now Jesus is the sticker on the bumper of my soul.
He’s my whole trip’s ambition, the sum total of my goal.
And I’m getting better mileage from every tank of fuel
‘Cause my chassis’s free of evil and I know that I’m no fool.

Your lower tailgate panel
Could be dragging in the dirt.
You might find that some corrosion’s
Eaten out the engine skirt.

And that fender’s gotten dented
From your sinning, straying ways.
It is time you drove your spirit
To the good Lord’s service bays.

Well now Jesus is the sticker on the bumper of my soul.
He’s my whole trip’s ambition, the sum total of my goal.
And I’m getting better mileage from every tank of fuel
‘Cause my chassis’s free of evil and I know that I’m no fool.

Oh yes Jesus is the sticker on the bumper of my soul.
His Gospel is my owner’s guide, his Book my holy scroll.
He has polished out the wrinkles so it’s mighty clear to see
That I’m driving straight to glory, that my trip is heavenly.

*The song title was one of several created by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett for their novel Good Omens, published originally in 1990 and later updated. So the title is their property. However, these lyrics are ©2009, Richard Laurence Baron.

**Of the hundreds of related bumper stickers on the Web, I picked the one above because I’m tickled by the two-sentiment combo. Don’t get excited – it’s just a blog illustration.

Vegemite Brand Struck with Major Silly Extension – Gets Hammered.

Hurry before Vegemite in Australia takes down its “new” home page, with the new brand extension name that just about every living human being Down Under has crapped all over. Go there – see the picture.

Hard on the news that original Monty Python member Terry Jones confirmed he became a father again this month (age 67) has come the shockin’ announcement of this branding failure in Australia – or maybe I’ve got these two items switched around.

Nevertheless, the makers of the salty, Brit-world-famous veggie spread (Kraft Foods Australia) attempted a bit of a brand extension. The new name is right on the label – slogan: “It’s Vegemite, but Different,” offering a more creamy, cheesy Vegemite. Stunning, really: The name choice did not resonate with outspoken brand loyalists in Oz. The Beeb reported:

It was never going to be easy tampering with a food spread considered iconic by some in Australia and New Zealand. But when Kraft, makers of Vegemite, chose a name for a new variation – iSnack2.0 – public distress forced an embarrassing U-turn.

The rumpus has continued to reverb worldwide; pundits are comparing it to the “New Coke” branding disaster. Mike Damon of Damon Medical Communications sent me the news – he knows I collect oddments like this. He said, effectively, what were those Aussie marketers thinking? With this bizarre attempt to make the old brand…relevant?

This much is true: When you mess with a cultural icon, you damn well better find out if the culture’s going to let you make a mess. This is a key part of the Stakeholder Rule and Signalwriter has had something to say about this.

Vegemite is multi-generationally familiar – even passionately loved. The salty-tasty spread was invented in 1922 but it was the Aussie soldiers in WWII that really made the product a critical part of life Down Under.

The shaken reactions to iSnack 2.0 are a caution to branders and brand marketers. But I believe this misstep can be fixed if Kraft Foods Australia and the Vegemite brand managers are quick and smart. Australians and New Zealanders have enough of a sense of humor so that they’d accept an apology, a straightforward “Sorry, we mucked this up” from Kraft. Right, you guys?

Kraft is re-starting its clever public-picks-the-name campaign (yes, the one that yielded the really awful new name). For sure, the firm’s going to get a lot of grief, like iFumbled 2.1; and the jokes have been popping for days. But the brand is well-loved. Aussies are nice people. Everyone will get over this fast and I bet the sales won’t be at all hurt. If Kraft does issue a real apology, the brand will recover even faster. Now please – pass the Veeta-Vita-Vegemite.

Houston Copywriter Does Not Shy from New Self-Promotion Tactic.

Subject: Urgent Business Diversification Request

First, we must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its being utterly confidential and very “top secret.”

Second, your ability to consider the matter of this great opportunity involving a pending transaction requiring maximum confidence is recognized by all the nations of the world, so then naturally we must write to you.

We represent a top website writer of the nationwide business community who is interested in doing business with your company utilizing talents when are presently spellbound in a relationship with a single client. In order to commence this business I solicit your assistance to enable this copywriter to diversify with work on your account, liberating the aforementioned trapped writer.

The source of this capability is as follows. The present civilian government having emphasized “shovel-ready projects” as a top priority, so we have identified a lot of writing opportunities which are presently floating in the national business community ready for proceeding.

However, by virtue of the admirable person’s position as a copywriter of excellent magnitude who is closely involved with a client no matter how estimable, he cannot solicit business in his own name. We have therefore been delegated as a matter of trust by this worthy copywriter to look for business relationship partners outside the boundaries of Spring Branch, USA.

We have agreed to share the capabilities of this writer with you thus: 30% for the new account owner, 93% for us (the senders of this letter to you), 42% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses, and 95% for the esteemed writer himself.

This transaction is 100% safe. We hope to commence this transaction with your fine selves latest seven (7) banking days from the date of the following information from you, namely, your company’s signed and stamped letterhead paper – it will enable us to write letters of claim and job description respectively. This way, we will use your company’s name to re-award the contract to the copywriter and apply for payment.

We are looking forward to doing this business with you. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter – we will send detailed information about the copywriter when we have heard from you.

Yours in friendship international,

Dr Aron Bachir

PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (SJ/P/419/2009) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

Note: This is a parody but the “Nigerian Scam” is no joke. It is named after the number of the article in the Nigerian constitution that deals with this fraud, 419. These scammers cheat more than 50,000 people a year out of their hard-earned savings. Get smarter: Read all about 419 here. (And thanks to Susan Reeves for the graphic.)

Asked and Answered: Blausen Medical Closes the Loop.

Is a couple of billboard executions all it takes? Apparently so. Three weeks or so back, Signalwriter asked:

Coming to the AMA Healthcare SIG event, [Bruce] Blausen and [Mike] Hensgen have a slightly different challenge. Can they envision (and communicate to SIG attendees) how an institution might combine its use of the Human Atlas with its hospital-wide iPhone platform – and then market the combination to its stakeholders?

The SIG event went off yesterday (at the Houston Zoo, thank you very much) with more than a hundred healthcare marketing professionals in the audience. During this extensive, five-speaker seminar, Bruce Blausen answered the question I posed above. The key to his presentation, “Driving Business with Mobile Apps,” was identifying what today’s most effective patient education tool is, in his view: narrated animation on a mobile phone platform.

Then, for the close of his talk, he created and displayed a quartet of speculative billboards (two shown here) that tie “Human Atlas” mobile app and iPhone into single, brand-oriented messages on behalf of prospective hospital users.

That famous “picture worth a thousand words” thing can hardly be demonstrated more clearly than these boards: the answers to my questions, at least. Well done, Blausen.

Concepts courtesy of Blausen Medical. Some elements may be properties of stock photo houses – all rights reserved to element owners.