Do-Right Red

First, Leigh Lerner e-mailed from Toronto, “We, too, celebrated Thanksgiving because it gives Sasha [Leigh’s daughter] an anchor in the midst of a sea of Canuckery. At that time of year, every true blue American longs for a table groaning from heavy food and grandpa’s bad jokes.”

I responded, “As a Republican, I of course prefer ‘every red-blooded American’ versus ‘every true blue American.’ So much for what the Red State-Blue State divide has done for our clichés.”

What I got back was a lesson from the Frozen North: “I don’t know where this red/blue stuff started. Reds were always leftists, except the Bosox. Oh, and don’t forget the Cincinnati Reds, who had to be Republican: ask the Tafts who broadcast their games.

“Up here, where even American red stuff coagulates in the veins at this time of year, Red means Liberal. The Liberals produce a Red Book for every election, telling you in advance where they’re going to spend all the money they tax away so prolifically, and even some they intend to print.

“Blue means Blue Jays, as in T.O., or Blue equals Conservative, and that means Alberta. Alberta’s blue is more toward the black, like that refineable liquid in the ground. Blue Collars always vote Red in these parts, New Democrat and PQ kind of red, which is redder than any pink-o down there can imagine.

“They even give every Quebecois a red card to give to the doctor for free service 90 days after you need it. Up here, Red also means RCMP, which you don’t mess with, even if they look like Dudley Do-Right©, even if you’re from Texas. Also, Red means $50 bills, which you want a whole mess of, and no matter how many you have, it's only 85% of what your Houston buddies’ green ones can buy.

“Now what's this about Red States and Blue States?”

Photo courtesy Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Thanks, eh.