Stogie Limericks

Going through very old notes, I came across some limericks I created back in the days when Cigar Aficionado was the newest buzzy publication – and I was smoking stogies regularly. I seem to recall I even got the magazine to publish several, but I could be wrong: perhaps limericks lowered the tone. A decade or more ago, I was much less the sophisticate that I am today.

In order to save these for posterity, I present some of them to you here. Consider them a bit of history. Note the George Burns cover photo, which I grabbed here, with thanks: it’s the Winter ’94 number.

The political statement:
While Cuba (Sic semper tyrannis)
Sells the world all its Habanas,
The people down yonder
Have plenty to ponder
And make do while smoking bananas.

The personal comfort view:
Manuel, lost in thought as he felt a
Big bundle of leaves from the Vuelta,
Bathed in sweat head to feet,
Said, “I can’t take such heat,
If it gets any hotter I’ll melt-a.”

The requisite attorney joke:
A bankruptcy lawyer named Meddars
Would smoke anything – even old sweaters.
Rolled ‘em out long and slenda
All wrapped in Candela,
“I smoke ‘em while processing debtors.”

And finally, the biblical approach:
When Moses schlepped down from the mountain,
He took a long drink from a fountain.
Threw the Laws on his bed,
Lit a Rothschild and said,
“It’s my fifth one today – but who’s countin’?

Happy Wednesday, y’all.