Condensing Time

Last month (April 21), I blogged about the 24/7 lifestyle that technology has conferred on us. Roberta Lewis called from New Hampshire this AM, where she was visiting one of her clients. She had a quick job for me, had already hand-written a rough and wanted to fax it to me. I told her I didn’t have a fax machine. “Old technology,” I said, sidestepping the fact that I’ve intended to get one but haven’t. (I partially credit the fax machine with the downfall of the Soviet Union, BTW.)

It’s not old technology – but we keep moving faster and faster.

We also keep forgetting that the increasing velocity of life is old news. Thanks to a fine article in this morning’s Houston Chronicle, by Food Editor Peggy Grodinsky, I was reminded again.

She’s written about condensed milk and its inventor, Gail Borden. A great read with a lot of history to it. Borden (above, right) was one of those Promethean 19th Century gents who relished the advance of technology and calculated its effect on the daily lives of millions. In a ‘graph in the middle of her long article, Grodinsky quotes from a biography of Borden:

The world is changing in the direction of condensing…Time was when people…would spend hours at a meal. Napolelon never took over 20 minutes…I am through in 15.

Grodinsky’s article is one more reminder that there’s little that's new under the sun. That our lives are constantly accelerating. It didn’t start with the computer, the fax machine or the telephone. It’s been going on for 200-plus years: what the Industrial Revolution really means. It’s as well to say that technology condenses time the same way that Borden condensed milk.

It’s hard to be politically correct and blame McDonald’s for our fast food addiction when it’s been growing for a couple of centuries.

Photo from Gail Borden Public Library District, Elgin, IL. All rights reserved.

Fizzy Room

Two people watch Abraham Lincoln give his brief address at Gettysburg. One thought it was the poorest, weakest thing he had ever heard. The other (Edward Everett) wrote the President, “I should be glad if I could flatter myself that I came as near to the central idea of the occasion in two hours, as you did in two minutes.” Different people, different impressions.

So I can only report my impressions of the AMA Healthcare Special Interest Group’s “Service Line Marketing” event at the Texas Medical Center last week. No historic two-minute address here, but helpful insights and conclusions.

The photos don’t show it, but our two speakers played to a packed house. Gail McFaddin, RHD Memorial Medical Center’s Director of Business Development (top) and Andrea Patton of Iris Advertising (bottom) came from Dallas last Tuesday AM to present a comparison of service line marketing efforts from two Tenet hospitals, Houston Northwest Medical Center and RHD itself.

A crowd gives a room energy. So the Trevisio meeting room was fizzy and the speakers responded to it. They gave an honest presentation: two hospital promotions, two results…and little to show for them.

When you go to an event like this, you expect to hear success. That’s what every speaker wants to present, every client wants to show off. But Gail and Andrea stepped up and gave us the sadder facts of their case. Both promotions were based around an effort to reach men over 50 with a hospital-directed message about colorectal cancer – and they offered a free self-test kit as an incentive.

They went through the right steps: matching prospects at risk to the demographics of the hospitals’ respective service areas; creating a mixed-media campaign of postcard mailer and small ads; assembling a fulfillment package complete with a free EZ Detect Kit and a way to return the self-test results to the hospitals; and tracking the results.

The media were similar in both cities, with about the same amount of money spent on each promotion. But the Dallas campaign focused primarily on community prospects, while the Houston program split its fire among three targets: community, hospital employees, and patients in the hospital database.

In the end, Houston did better. Northwest Medical Center was able to measure its ROI: the promotion turned $14.60 in net revenue for every dollar spent on the promotion.

RHD was in the negative numbers – 52 cents in net revenue for each dollar spent…not so good. The speakers pointed to what they felt they’d done right – and what they’d do differently. But the presentation suggested that this colorectal cancer promotion didn’t play to the definition of service line marketing: a completely packaged approach to deploying and fielding a very specific service.

A service line reinforces branding – it firmly supports what your hospital or clinic is known for (or wants to be known for). It can increase volume, profitability and reimbursement. It can help maintain and even increase market share. It can improve customer service.

It’s easy to be on the outside looking in. But my takeaways from last Tuesday were two. They’ll both be familiar to you. First, the basic service line marketing idea is only sell one thing at a time. Second, sell the living daylights out of it.

Number one is hard enough…it’s tough to get any organization to focus, focus, focus. Yet we recognize immediately the cancer treatment focal point of University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center, and the pediatric specialization of Texas Childrens Hospital. Even in a general-services hospital, you can strongly promote a particular specialty, as Spring Branch did a few years ago with its wound care clinic.

Number two is harder. Put enough throw-weight behind a promotion – in dollars and dedication – to make certain that it penetrates your marketplace. Northwest Medical Center’s apparent success is pleasant to contemplate but the actual dollars involved were very low. The time the promotions spent attacking their markets was quite limited. Building a brand is challenging enough. Too little time and money spend on a promotion will result in failure.

So what do you give two marketing professionals who stand in front of their peers and present a case that didn’t win?

One hell of a round of applause for taking the rougher road. Thanks to Gail and Andrea for a fine learning experience.

Thanks to Karen Orso for the photographs.

Why Lawyers

Look: this wheel has come off. For every one of us creative and marketing people who’ve rassled with client lawyers over the wording of brochure sentences, or what can’t be shown in an ad, there’s a lesson here.

It’s a cheerless one. In the “The M-BlawG” section of the April 15 number of the AMA’s Marketing News, I noted that Reebok, the athletic shoe manufacturer, is recalling 300,000 lead-based charm bracelets after a four-year-old swallowed the charm. And died of complications from lead poisoning. You can read the whole story here.

Here’s where a knowledgeable, experienced lawyer comes in – not after a tragedy like this happens, but before it happens. According to the story in Marketing News:

Health officials indicated that the bracelet was 99% lead; a second bracelet was 68% lead. The safety limit in jewelry in the United States is 0.006%. The promotional item, which Reebok says was made in China, was engraved with the Canton, Mass.-based company’s logo and was given as a free gift with the purchase of children’s shoes since May 2004.

This isn’t a problem of copyright law – it’s a consumer safety issue. And someone at Reebok, somewhere, never thought to ask about the lead content of the charm bracelet. The US government identified the toxicity of lead more than 30 years ago. The US voluntary toy safety standard, ASTM F-963-03, limits soluble lead in toys (that is, lead that may migrate from the toy and be ingested by a child) to no more than 90 parts-per-million (ppm). But under federal law, the US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) enforces a limit for total lead content of 600 ppm – that’s the 0.006% number in the quote above.

That’s why we need to think of all the ramifications of our activities (I wonder if I would have thought of it?) …and why we need our clients’ lawyers. In my own experience, the very best client lawyers – and I have worked with lots of them –do three things:

• Refrain from imposing their subjective opinions on your creative expressions
• Advise you of the relative risks involved in specific cases, like product comparisons – and let you make the decisions
• Inform you when you absolutely cannot say, picture, or do something that is, de jure, illegal.

In the Reebok case, the promotional item was illegal. Its composition was against the law in May 2004; it’s against the law now. True: hindsight is 20/20. Also true: a conscientious lawyer keeps you from making a deadly error before you make it. Before the wheels come off your promotion or your marketing activity.

I am sorry for the child that died from swallowing the charm, and sorry for his parents. Sorry for Reebok, whom I’m certain meant no harm. But this is one of those cases where I’m really sorry that an attorney familiar with CPSC law didn’t blow the whistle. That’s “why lawyers.”

Man Law

After chatting about Mitchum’s new advertising campaign (see the post, April 24th), I’ve gotten some feedback about how blatant and even exploitive the campaign’s TV commercials are – maybe you’ve seen these clumsy items yourself.

Thanks to a note from Susan Reeves, watch how Miller Lite handles the same line of attack: a series of commercials called “Man Law” which you can see here. Neat ideas, handled in a self-mocking manner that’s got some genuine appeal. (I also protest that Burt Reynolds still looks like he hasn’t aged a day in the past 15 years. Unlikely he’s a Mitchum Man, since he turned 70 this year and is way outside Mitchum’s demographic.)

I don’t drink the stuff…but Miller’s advertising: always a good call.

Craft Beer

It is the sin of the world that there are just two brewpubs left in Houston (that I know about). ‘Cause this week, May 15-21, has been elected American Craft Beer Week by The Brewers Association: “A time for all legal-drinking-age Americans to explore and celebrate the flavorful beers produced by our small, traditional and independent brewers.”

In a city of four million-plus people, two’s hardly enough. So if you should happen to be in the West U area, stop by Two Rows Restaurant & Brewery. Mucking about Bay Area Boulevard, way down south? Try BJ's Restaurant & Brewery.

The good news, of course, is that we still have St. Arnold’s, whose brews are available on tap or in bottles all over town. (Its rainbow-painted Bentley was in the Art Car Parade on Saturday.) Plus plenty of places where you can get a pull and a pint of all kinds of craft beers.

I’ve been seeing outdoor media around the city introducing Heineken Premium Light Beer – whatever next? If you are one of those people that drink “Lite” beer under the persistent delusion that these are real, treat yourself to the healthy effect of a craft-brewed ale or lager somewhere in the Bayou City this week.

Banging the barrel for my current favorites, purchase a few sample bottles from Stone Brewery, available at Spec’s. Its Arrogant Bastard and IPA are particularly tasty and filled with good things – you will enjoy them. (Actually, just reading the Arrogant Bastard back label will give you the courage to go on with your life…or the nerve.)

If you see me out this week in any of the pubs, I’ll stand you a pint.

Barbara's Escape

Most of you know by now that Barbara Nytes-Baron has left the building, work-wise. My spousal unit sent this e-mail to a number of friends and relations:

Well I certainly hope this includes everyone I need to inform. If you think I’ve missed someone please feel free to inform them that you heard from me that I am no longer at the Northwest Branch (of the Harris County, TX, library system).

I will have to say that my arthritic hip is no longer sore and believe it or not there are actually fewer frown lines! All in all a good decision. I’ll be loafing for a few months – doing all of the things that I couldn’t or didn’t get around to when I was working. Then I’ll regroup and move on.

Our daughter, Rachel Baron, exhibited mysterious foresight last weekend, before Barbara resigned the library. She gave her mom a Saint Barbara votive candle (with the traditional red wax, from the Reed Candle Company, San Antonio, TX). Curious parallel: in the Middle Ages, Barbara, one of the most popular saints, was kept imprisoned in a tower to “protect” her from the world.

Now Barbara has escaped from her tower. It’s kinda nice having her around during my workdays. Happy Mother’s Day, Barbara, and much love. I couldn’t be happier for you.

Connie’s Joke

Fred Chung came to America and realized his dream. After just a few years, he had opened his own restaurant in a little shopping area in town. His place was popular, he made friends with the other retailers up and down the street, and he prospered. So he decided it was time to wed, and he sent to China for a bride in the traditional way.

A marriage was arranged. A lovely and traditional young woman arrived from Szechuan Province to be his wife and helpmeet. His happiness was complete.

Several years after he married, a long-time customer told him a shocking thing: his wife was having an affair with Chaim Goldstein, who owned the tailor and dry cleaning shop just three doors down the street.

Impossible! He couldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t believe it. He swore that he wouldn’t bring it up. But as soon as he arrived home that evening and saw her, he burst out: “Are you having an affair with Chaim Goldstein the Tailor?”

His wife looked him straight in the eye and said, “What are you, meshugee? What momzer told you that?”

Courtesy of Connie Flemming, Stonehenge Productions. Yiddish-impaired? Check here. A bi gezunt!

Cahill Blogs

I haven’t spoken to Jim Cahill in a decade. Less than an hour after I posted my recollection about Emerson’s DeltaV process management brand (below), I got a great note from Jim. Today, he is Director of Marketing Communications for the Process Systems and Solutions business unit of Emerson Process Management.

Here’s what’s important to you: Jim started a blog about Emerson technology and solutions. Most of this story is his:

I believe there is a lot of knowledge that is trapped in e-mail inboxes of our experts, and this blog is the first step for us to make this expertise more visible and easier for people to find via search engines like Google.

Jim and Emerson are practicing what I’ve been preaching about the appropriate use of blogging for marketing. So here is the rest of Jim’s tale:

We started the weblog because we believed this would be the best way to showcase the expertise we have here at Emerson. My belief is that marketing “expertise” is very different from marketing products. It requires a more conversational tone; much like how you might assess the capabilities and competence of a roofer after a hailstorm (we’ve had quite a few of these recently!).

Blogs are a great medium for this. They also provide a means for two-way dialog with comments. Among our primary competitors we are the first to be blogging (much like DeltaV was the first of the new breed of digital automation systems).

Emerson Process Experts has been around for a little over two months. It has been discovered by a few of the trade press editors (Gary Mintchell, Walt Boyes) who also blog, and have pointed posts over my way. I've been actively promoting the blog to our global sales force and installed base customers for our systems and solutions customers, and subscribers to our EasyDeltaV.com email list. We definitely want to reach process manufacturing professionals, particularly automation engineers and their management.

We are up to around 7000 visitors a month (excluding internal and global Emerson folks). RSS subscriptions are much smaller – in the order around a 100.

Jim and his team have been working to promote the adoption of RSS with an RSS Starter Kit. He discusses some of the issues he thinks are holding RSS adoption back here. The famous PR blogger Steve Rubel even mentioned Emerson’s RSS Starter Kit in one of his posts.

Newsletters have their place in your marketing mix today. But they are awkward to produce – even “Emerson Process Experts” is labor-intensive. They are also a bit old-fashioned, especially if they reflect badly on a position you’ve taken as a “technology” company (whatever your industry).

Think about your external and internal audiences. Determine whether your audiences have access to computers and the Internet. If they don’t, stick with the printed newsletter.

But as Jim Cahill demonstrates, a righteous blog has the potential of replacing your newsletter and reaching out to customers, prospects and employees in ways you never imagined.

Read the blog. Be the blog.

Thanks and a tip of the Hatlo hat to Jim Cahill for all the details.

It’s Alive!

Ten years back, Honeywell was the market leader in process control systems. Today the leader is Emerson Process Management, thanks to its DeltaV control system.

I was pretty danged pleased to see Emerson at the Offshore Technology Conference (Booth 2775). Because I created the DeltaV brand name for what was then Fisher-Rosemount back at the end of ’95. I used a version of SEMANTIK*, my brand-creation methodology.

F-R has since been totally absorbed by Emerson. But DeltaV has gone on to fame and fortune. Readers of Control Magazine voted the DeltaV system the industry's #1 process automation system for a fifth consecutive year.

This Emerson business unit was a client of The Edmondson Group in Austin. I worked with Roger Edmondson to create this “way cool” brand for the entire new system. Gayle Smith, Roger’s Chief Designer then and now, created the logo you see here – much the same over the past decade. So forgive a prideful moment.

What’s even cooler is that Emerson is, to this day, using much the same description of the brand that I invented for the system at the beginning of ’96:

The name DeltaV is derived from the engineering equation for acceleration: dv/dt, the change in velocity over the change in time. The DeltaV system makes planning, engineering, installing, commissioning, training, operating, and maintaining your process EASY, which accelerates your success in improving your plant performance.

Going into the original creative process, Todd Brace and Jim Cahill told us that the new system, whose working name was “Hawk,” was going to revolutionize the process control business. Thanks to Emerson’s technology and selling power – and a great brand name – they were absolutely right.

Oh yeah...the commercial. I almost forgot. Want to learn more about creating brands that last for decades? E-mail me and I’ll send you a copy of the SEMANTIK presentation.

*A Richard Laurence Baron trademark. All rights reserved. Logo courtesy of Emerson.

Something Fishy

One of the gifts we received for our 29th wedding anniversary was a visit from Rachel Baron (daughter) and Alison Bond (friend), all the way from New York City.

The previous weekend, they had been to the “historic” Shad Festival in Lambertville, NJ. This two-day get-together has been held annually since 1981 to herald the return of spawning shad up the Delaware River. This quote is part of the “romance” of the shad:

The abundance of shad in spring reminds us again how fortunate we are to have in our midst the largest free flowing river in the East, one that has eagerly responded to conservation and clean up efforts. Nowhere is this thanks better expressed than at the annual Shad Festival at Lambertville, where the tiny city’s commercial links with shad span more than a century. The Lewis family of Lambertville, whose island fishery dates to 1888, and who hold the only remaining commercial license to catch shad with nets, have been key participants since the festival’s inception 24 years ago.

So before Rachel and Alison visited Houston, they reveled in the Shad Festival and the area surrounding Lambertville. The accompanying photos are proof of their visit. (Rachel was at a loss to explain how she can to be inside something resembling a concrete outhouse. She swears she couldn’t remember – the shad stole her mind.) She does note, however, that in the entire Shad Festival complex, you could only get actual shad in two booths. The people were abundant but the shad were not.

Silver Winner

Want to know what wins great big creative awards in India? Flea Global, headed by one of my colleagues in India, Sunil Shibad, won a Silver Award for this commercial at Goa Fest.

“Car Park” was entered in a two-day awards festival, 28-29 April, in Goa. The Advertising Agencies Association of India (AAAI), the collective body of the country’s leading advertising agencies, hosted the event…similar to the Cannes Film Festival.

The AAAI expected more than 3,000 entries from members as well as non-members. All the creative work entered for the show was on display and the TV spots that were submitted were fully screened. Goa Fest was big enough to make the Times of India.

You have to watch it for yourself – I won’t give it away. But to win an award in a contest this size is a wonder. It’s worth a click. Sunil and director/producer Vivek Kamat handled the project for McCann Erickson. Way to go!

Atypical Premium

Advertising that breaks pattern is going to stand out.

In some industries, there’s a common pattern in most ads. In the consulting segment, you’ll see ads that feature a carefully balanced group of people, standing or sitting seriously around a big conference table. Young people having fun, fun, fun: that’s either cell phones or MP3 players…sometimes both.

It’s called “the rig in the sunset” in the upstream oil and gas sector: a big, beautiful four-color photograph of a drilling rig or production platform at sunrise or sunset. A little (or a lot of) copy underneath it. The company logo is usually stashed at the bottom. Everybody has done it at one time or another. But the ads you remember are the ones that don’t have that assembly-line look.

For a brand new company, Premium Drilling, we broke the mold. That’s me and Prism Design. We looked at existing advertising for drilling companies and presented our client with several more-or-less utterly different options. I credit Premium Drilling with selecting the differentest of the lot.

This new company got itself a running start, with every new jack-up rig a-building in Singapore already booked. Its two ads were specifically designed to run as a pair, with an initial appearance in that epitome of an oilfield annual, the Mobile Rig Register.

So the headline play is purposeful and highlights a company that decided how it wanted to operate from its inception: not only new but smart with it.

Much more important is the ads’ design. Here’s a very graphic approach to telling two stories in a unified format. Against its Premium Blue background, “Smart Way” uses a star-configured constellation of bullet points to emphasize the building blocks of the new company’s organizing principles, architected against silhouettes of some of its employees.

“New Way” organizes different bullet points – about the rigs’ technical features – as contributing factors, with a silhouette of one drill rig as its center. The designer integrates headlines, visuals, copy, even participating organizations, into cohesive wholes which deliver a different look to a market niche that has way too many photos of drill rigs as its main ad visuals.

My appreciation to Premium Drilling for allowing us to work with it on its advertising. And to my long-time colleagues at Prism, my thanks for letting me help create these atypical and vivid corporate ads.

For the record: Susan Reeves, Creative Director; Terry Teutsch, Designer/Art Director; Richard Laurence Baron, Copywriter.

Creative Process

Creativity is one thing. The process of creation, the experience, is something else.

OTC starts this Monday. When this 37th Offshore Technology Conference opens, more than 50,000 visitors will be going to Reliant Center for the world’s largest oilfield exhibition. If you are one of them, stop by the Mustang Engineering booth (#1305). Say hello to some outstanding people. And see a new video presentation called “The MUSTANG Experience” for yourself.

To say I helped create this 12-minute video is true. To say that it encompassed one of my most rewarding processes of creation is also true and a sizeable understatement.

No “creative” can take seven weeks of planning, videotaping and editing for granted. The team effort that has brought this video to the screen in an efficient, timely way is virtually unique in my worklife (which covers quite a few years).

Most of the credit goes to the Mustangers themselves: Allison Miller, Brian Hadley, Carmen Loera, Christine Beck, David Williams, Dee Medina, Dena Lee, Heather Broeder, Mark Payton, Mike Weatherwax, Paul Post, Richard Livingston, Sharon Paul and Tina Kutach – and these are just the Mustang participants whose names I can recall. At least a dozen more deserve mentions as well.

In Locke Bryan Productions, we had a way-better-than-just-good production house. Director-Producer Mike Patterson and his crew (on location and at the studio) accomplished a superlative job. They’ve delivered a story that fits Mustang Engineering to a T. Editing, music, graphics...this group’s calmness, consideration and talent contributed massively to my “MUSTANG Experience.”

I won’t tell you what’s in this 12-minute show.

I will tell you that the visual above is a title slide that doesn’t really reflect the thoughtfulness and the real-life feelings of the Mustangers on-screen. You’ll have to see it for yourself. Or ask me to show you my copy when OTC is over.

Thank you, everyone, for a great experience. See you at Reliant Center.

Coffee Dog

When you’re driving to and from Austin on State Highway 71 (the one that runs up to the PDRA* from I-10 west of Columbus), do you miss Starbucks? I do. It’s a poorly disguised fact that I get nervous when I’m more than three miles from a Starbucks or some other high-quality java-source.

I use the term “miss” here in two ways. One is the sense of lacking something – like the boldest, heaviest battery-acid jamoke I can put in my travel mug.

The other is, like, maybe there is a Starbucks between West Katy and the eastern edge of Austin, but I haven’t noticed/found/run across one.

Now there’s an answer: Coffee Dog. I found it yesterday on my way up to Austin for a meeting. But you have to look sharp or you’ll miss it like I almost did. Its official address: 1421 Highway 71 West, Suite 100, Bastrop 78602 if you want to Mapquest it. Seven miles west of Bastrop, in the American Business Park strip center. Telephone: 512.303.2244.

Guy Roush has opened a very nice café here. The joe’s terrific and even if you like yours in one of Starbucks’ infinite variations, the lovely Coffee Dog people can deliver it. Along with assorted pastries. A nice place to sit down. And WiFi. Out there on the far west edge of Bastrop.

No website yet, but when they get one up, I’ll let you know. Meanwhile, keep an eye peeled on the north side of the road for the American Business Park (see the photo) and give it a try.

Coffee Dog got me those last 25 miles to Austin, for sure.

PS: The nice people even gave me a nifty Coffee DogTM “Frequent Slurper Card.” The 10th cup be free, oh yes.

*People’s Democratic Republic of Austin. Photograph courtesy of LoopNet.

Scott’s Winter

Working for ConocoPhillips in Anchorage, Scott McKinley has sent his fourth Life-in-Alaska report. Read along with the proprietor of McKinley Friends & Family B&B. “Book now,” says he. “Summer ’06 lodging is 70% full.”

Locals say there are two seasons to Alaska: winter and tourist. Anchorage is experiencing the last moments of the transition period; a time we call the “Spring Breakup.”

Spring Breakup is when the weather finally starts hovering consistently above the freezing mark. The roads become wet with melting snow, ice chunks (the size of SUVs) along the coast begin to shrink, and five months of frozen dog poop begins to thaw. It is a time of distinctive visual and olfactory “enlivenment”. It’s also a signal that the tourists will soon be arriving.

While most tourists opt for the relative certainty of summertime weather conditions, these fair-weather travelers have missed out on some uniquely Alaskan wintertime events.

Iditarod: a sled dog race from Anchorage to Nome, “a race over 1,150 miles of the most extreme and beautiful terrain known to man, across mountain ranges, frozen rivers, dense forests, desolate tundra and windswept coastline.” Imagine you, twelve of your favorite dogs, and a sled full of survival gear and dog food in the remote environs of Alaska for nine full days of mushing (the winning time) or even thirty-four days (the record for the slowest finish). Participation in the Iditarod may not be within the boundaries of most people’s imagination, but it was a joy to watch hundreds of dogs excitedly awaiting their sleds’ turn at the Iditarod starting line with guests from California, Texas and Colorado.

The modernized version of the Iditarod is a 2,000 mile snowmobile race. Called Iron Dog, it is billed as the longest, toughest snowmobile race in the world. Imagine the same nasty temperatures as the Iditarod (as cold as -60°), then just add a wind-chill factor for speeds up to 100 miles per hour. Bryan Bonner was the brave Texan to come up and view the start of the Iron Dog from the middle of a frozen lake.

One thing we noticed: drivers of the snowmobiles were putting duct tape on their face. Evidently the helmets, balaclavas, and goggles weren’t effective at protecting the area around the eyes from the cold temperatures. Solution? Duct tape. Not recommended for everyday use, but riders report the tape also helps with unwanted facial hair.

The Arctic Man is a downhill ski race and a snowmobile race, all in one. The skier begins at a summit elevation of 5,800 feet and drops 1,700 feet (in less than two miles) to the bottom of a narrow canyon where he meets up with his snowmobile partner. The skier grabs the (in-motion) snowmobile tow rope and gets pulled 2-1/4 miles uphill at speeds exceeding 90 mph. The skier and the snowmobiler separate as they top the second mountain, where the skier drops another 1,200 feet to the finish line. The winning time? 4 minutes, 4 seconds. Amazingly, no deaths have been reported.

To add to the uniqueness, a town actually “appears” in the middle of Alaska for this week-long event. Somebody snowplows a field and 12,000 people in RV’s show up for the fun. I missed this spectator sport this year…so if anybody wants to RV-camp next winter in the middle of nowhere, Alaska..?

Most tourists come during a three-month window to view the beauty of Alaska. The locals are glad to share the roads and trails, but we’re also glad to have the State mostly to ourselves for the other nine months. That’s when the true Alaskan spirit, the embracing of this Last Frontier, fully emerges.

Icebox that it is, Scott loves the place. Given that he also reports mountain winds blowing out a car window and falling through the ice, I know he will enjoy the arrival of summer – and that you’ll enjoy reading about his adventures.

Mitchum Man

What you don’t see on this photo of a Mitchum antiperspirant container is ongoing evidence of the deodorant’s year-old advertising campaign. I only noticed these labels on my deodorant tubes yesterday…I swear.

One tube cap bears a label that says, “IF YOU ONLY SHAVE WHEN YOU HAVE TO, YOU’RE A MITCHUM MAN.”

Another tube cap label notes, “IF IT’S 96° BUT YOU SMELL LIKE 76°, YOU’RE A MITCHUM MAN.” What does that mean? Do any of the advertising people who put this together live in Texas?

It appears I missed an entire revolution in deodorant advertising – another one.

In an April, 2005, New York Times Advertising article, Nat Ives wrote about the new Mitchum ad campaign – which will tell you in a heartbeat that I’m not in the advertising agency’s key market demographic:

The goal was to introduce Mitchum to young men without alienating the older men who already buy it, said Kathy Delaney, managing partner and executive creative director at the flagship New York office of Deutsch, creator of the campaign.

Another coaster reads, “If you can see the inner beauty of the girl dancing on the bar, you’re a Mitchum man.” The men being aimed at, Ms. Delaney said, might think, ‘I don't go to topless bars and watch girls there any more, but that’s pretty funny and I remember when I did.’”

Maximesque marketing has proved effective on men in general and young men in particular, but it will lose strength if it does not recognize the target's particular circumstance, said Robin Wood, vice president for antiperspirant, deodorant and fragrance marketing at Revlon, which sells Mitchum.

“These guys are guys who are entering or have entered into a completely different lifestyle,” Mr. Wood said. “They are advancing in their careers, are new fathers, have a great deal of demands. The thing they are really missing is time for themselves, which we call guy time.”

The campaign uses commercials during shows like “Fear Factor” on NBC and “Two and a Half Men” on CBS, ads in magazines like Sports Illustrated and The Week, matchbooks to accompany the coasters in bars, ads on Web sites like www.moviefone.com and www.match.com, billboards across the country and posters in places like supermarkets and restrooms. Many of the ads point consumers to a new site, www.mitchumman.com.

(You have got to see this site – especially the “Mitchum Man-O-Log!”)

The messages are tailored to suit the venues, Mr. Wood said, noting that Maxim magazine will also run Mitchum ads. Maxim readers may receive the more risqué of the ads, like one that shows a close-up of a woman’s breasts with the text, “If they look real enough to you, you’re a Mitchum man.”

The campaign is the last for Mitchum from Deutsch, part of the Interpublic Group of Companies. Deutsch resigned the Mitchum account last month after Revlon shifted other assignments, with far higher ad spending, from Deutsch to other agencies. Revlon spent $2.5 million to advertise Mitchum in major media in 2002, but no significant sums in 2003 or 2004, according to estimates by TNS Media Intelligence.

I don’t know which agency is doing the campaign now, but if the stickers on my Mitchum tubes are any indication, Revlon ought to get somebody new, and right quick, too.

Meantime, I’m going back to the Mitchum Man-O-Log and (with tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks) take a closer look at the Talking Buck’s Head and the Galvanized Roofing Nails. Apparently, they’d be crucial to my lifestyle if I was 30 – again.

Computing Accessory

Stone tools, the crudest type of flaked and battered stones, showed up…oh…2.5 million years ago. For humanity, the genie was out of the bottle; technology moved pretty quickly after that.

Weaving cloth: 25,000 BCE. Indoor bathrooms just 23,000 years later. The Chinese invent gunpowder, a popular number, around 1040 CE (that’s AD depending on your dating convention). Printing: 1440. The flying-shuttle loom: 1733. We’re really flying now.

Samuel F B Morse patents the practical – and successful – electric telegraph in 1837 (the world’s first Internet and the birth mother of the “telegrapher”). The vacuum tube: 1907. Then a short leap to color TV in 1940. The first electric computer: 1943, using the above-mentioned vacuum tubes. Simultaneously, the first propeller-head appears. The first transistor in 1948, which leads 10 years later to the first fully transistorized computer. By 1975, there’s a personal computer on the market – but Apple Computer is founded the following year.

A quarter of a century later, the second Internet has arrived, the world is almost completely wired and we can’t live without our communications infrastructure.

Now, according to Jeanne Sahadi, CNNMoney.com senior writer, one of the newest “in-vogue jobs” is Director of Mobile Computing:

Thanks to the BlackBerry, Treo, laptop and cell phone, every job can be turned into a 24/7 message fest. So integral are these devices to work life now that when the maker of the BlackBerry was facing a potential shut down of its services this year, you would have thought the business world was bracing for a loss of electricity. Upgrading all those portable lifelines to the office and keeping them in good working order has now become a full-time job with a big title.

A couple of a million years in the blink of an eye – and we’re hip-deep in people whose special expertise is keeping other people (who have to use the technology) intercommunicating and interconnected.

My hat’s off to them all. I cherish them and applaud their efforts to keep me in the marcom business. I enjoy working with my advanced technology clients – and my deepest thanks to them.

But tell me: every once in a while, don’t you have the urge to take up the crudest type of flaked and battered stone and bring it down on your server with deadly force?

Perhaps RIM (BlackBerry developer and manufacturer), Apple (iPOD creator) and other manufacturers should supply just such a stone tool to each and every newly minted Director of Mobile Computing. It’ll help keep them humble in the face of what we have wrought. Won’t it?

Have a great weekend.

Thanks and a tip of the Hatlo Hat to Rob Schoenbeck for the Sahadi article. Wikipedia Commons Image: en:Image:Acheuleanhandaxes.jpg.

The Commons

Look at this building. This is “The Commons.” Actually, the John P. McGovern Texas Medical Center Commons at the Texas Medical Center (or TMC if you’re into acronyms).

Unless you work in the TMC, or been to The Commons, you probably don’t have a clue how to get there. Let me tell you: it ain’t easy. The Commons is on the TMC campus…and you can’t see it from any of the main streets.

Here is how you get to it. If you can’t figure it out from the “Take Three Simple Steps to Our Door” arrangement, plug The Commons’ address into Mapquest: 6550 Bertner, Houston, TX 77030.

Why point this out?

I want to make certain you find your way to the Service Line Marketing for Hospitals and Group Practices presentation. It’s the American Marketing Association Healthcare Special Interest Group event on May 16, 2006.

Just under a month from now. At the Trevísio restaurant in The Commons. That building in the picture right up there. That’s why I’m showing you what it looks like. Print a hard copy. Tape it to your computer. (Stop with the whining…I know it’s hard to get in and out of TMC.)

Gail M McFaddin, Director of Business Development of RHD Memorial Medical Center in Dallas, is one of the speakers. Gail has developed and executed on business strategy for three healthcare start-ups and has consulted with some of the largest integrated delivery systems in the country. She is a national and international speaker on healthcare topics of interest and was the CIGNA liaison to the Clinton White House on rural healthcare in America. She’s going to present a pointed case history about Service Line Marketing.

You ought to hear it. Here is the link to online registration for the Healthcare SIG event on Tuesday, May 16. At The Commons. Parking inside the building (when you find it).

Come on down. Really. It’ll be worth the trip.

Montreal Spring

Thanks and a tip of the Hatlo hat to Leigh Lerner.

Shocking Direct

What’s old is news again – especially in direct mail.

The much lauded Halloween Mask Mailers created by illustrator Chris Lockwood and Richard Laurence Baron (me) are hot items again, since Martha Justice, President of The Premier Company, was written up in the Houston Business Journal last week. The article by Thora Qaddumi talked about a number of creative direct mail formats, which Premier uses and in some cases pioneered.

One of these outstanding ShapeUpTM mask mailers appears above. There’s a ghoul and Frankenstein’s bride too. I had a hard time picking which one to show you hear – not because they aren’t terrific every one; but because they’re largish files. In fact, though you can easily see why Chris is such a superb illustrator, you probably can’t read my equally expert copy.

So e-mail me and I will send you a full set of jpegs…or ask Martha to send you an actual printed set of all four.

Thanks to Chris’s inventiveness, these die-cut mailers are all about capturing the recipients’ attention. Nobody who got the Mask Mailers has forgotten them. Some are still taped to people’s filing cabinets or pinned to managers’ walls all over this part of the world. Martha wanted to take advantage of the fact that the USPS now allows odd shapes to be mailed. Martha let us run with the concept that Halloween masks would be arresting, provocative…and really cool. I even invented the “ShapeUp” brand name for them.

Each mailer’s copy highlighted a specific area of Premier capability. I tuned the headlines to Chris’s amazing Illustrations.

The timing is perfect: what Chris and I created for Premier illustrates the precise point I made in Monday’s post about b-o-o-o-r-r-ing credit card mail packages (see below). The Masks are what creativity can do for direct mail. Anyone who discounts creativity as a driver is making a mistake – or do you want to bore your mail recipients to death?

Yes: one banker told me that a 2% response rate to the bank’s direct mail packages made the boring approach difficult to ignore – for the bank. As I said, the numbers are on their side (‘cause 2% of, say, a million pieces is a pretty big number).

Yes: Martha points out that although self-mailers are cheaper to produce, they practically never out-pull envelope-enclosed letter mailings. Golly, what if you combined the horsepower of (say) Lockwood-Baron creativity with your key message? What if you got the recipient to really pay attention to your offer?

I invite someone of you to find out – and measure the results. They could shock the boring right out of your prospects.

Thanks and a tip of the Hatlo hat to Chris Lockwood for the jpg files, and to The Premier Company for printing and mailing the mask series.

Opening Night

Today is my birthday. I’m celebrating by telling my sister to break a leg, because she opens tonight in A Fine & Private Place at the York Theatre Company in NYC.

Evalyn Baron is a great actor – started when she was 12. The Broadway portion of her career has encompassed Big River and Les Misérables among many, many others. She was Tony-nominated for her role in Quilters.

So after some years as the assistant creative director for Barter Theatre in Virginia and returning to New York to teach, her opening tonight is a wonderful opportunity to be where she’s supposed to be: legitimate theatre.

Don’t know much about the play. Peter S. Beagle wrote the original novel. Then it was turned into a musical by Erik Haagensen (book and lyrics) and Richard Isen (music). According to the theatre’s newsletter:

The show tells the story of Jonathan Rebeck, a recluse who lives in a Bronx cemetery courtesy of his feathered friend, a wise (and wisecracking) Raven who flies in stolen fast food in exchange for companionship. Rebeck…helps newly arrived ghosts…accept death. Once these ghosts no longer remember what it is to be alive, they vanish.

Ev’s not a ghost – she’s a widow who continually visits the tomb of her husband. I think she represents the pull of life. The director, Gabriel Barre, says he hopes the revived musical will make audiences “not want to waste a moment of this opportunity we call life.”

Evalyn has a history with this musical. She was in the original cast – you can hear her on the album. You can read all about her adventures with rehearsals and her fellow actors on her blog.

Break a leg, Sis. Your opening is finest kind birthday gift.

Mail Stop

Dear Jud Linville, President, Consumer Cards, American Express: stop sending me card solicitations.

Dear David P Booth, AAA Financial Services: I do not now want a AAA Visa card – or ever.

Ditto for you, Yehezkel Gurevitch, President, Values Worldpoints Platinum Plus Visa…even it it’s the “most rewarding card of all” (a phrase so ordinary I have no idea why you went to the trouble of registering it as a trademark – and ashamed of you for doing so).

And dear, dear Pat W. Johnson, Director of New Accounts, Capital One, I especially don’t want a card or two or three from you. You send me a direct-mail letter every ten days, like clockwork. I don’t want your card either.

I am a direct mail professional, Yehezkel – been doing it for more than 30 years. I know about the valuable real estate on the fronts and the backs of the envelopes. I know how to write a truly great letter, making sure than more than 50% of the words are of a single syllable. (Didn’t I once have a private lunch with John Caples at his club in New York City? Yes, I did.)

Pat, I understand the fake (and frankly annoying) plastic credit cards – but I have to cut them up anyway in case there’s some personal information I don’t want floating about.

Get a grip: I’m not going to take advantage of any of your offers. Not yours, David. Not yours, Jud. Not in my lifetime. I am not your target market. And despite the fact that I earn part of my living from creating precisely such direct mail solicitation packages, there has got to be some realization on your part that I am a non-adopter.

You’ll say the numbers are on your side. Every time you send out a package to X million names, you’ll measure just how many recipients sign up. (At least I by-damned hope so.) And you’ll keep sending these packages because there’re two American adults who will take a card from each of your companies for every one of me.

But at some point (soon, I hope), you have got to recognize that you’re annoying the daylights out of me – and then I’m going to start complaining about you to the USPS despite the fact that some of my best clients are in precisely the same place you are.

Your continual mailings are a waste of money. They’re a waste of time – mine particularly, since I shred most of your pre-addressed material. So I don’t mind spending a little more with this ranty post.

Find some other way to get my business. Try a podcast. Put a guy in a kiosk at my grocery store (although the airlines have tried this at the airport and I wonder what their sign-up rates are).

Tell you what: instead of sending me dozens of letter packages a month, why not send me a check for the value of the number of pieces you’d normally send to me? Even if your per-piece cost is a quarter-cent, you’d be putting your money to better use by giving it to me in cash…because I am certainly throwing your investment into the shredder and/or the trash can these days.

Get smarter about it – stop doing the same thing over and over again.

PS: I know and value the very hard work that direct mail professionals put into these efforts. I sure would appreciate some real creativity from you, their clients, in trying to attract me with your offers.

PPS: For the Lord’s sake, Jud, clean your lists. Next time I get a letter package addressed to “Mr Barolin,” I’m going to wrap your return envelope around a Type III chemical-resistant floor brick and send it back to you postage-due.

Mary’s 150

One of the few thousand headed for Austin via the BP MS 150 – that century-and-a-half bike ride for Multiple Sclerosis, will be Mary Paulette, AIG American General Marketing Communications and basic good chum. Mary’s been sending regular training reports and this is her most recent:

Last week was a windy, warm ride in the hill country of Texas. Bluebonnets were in full bloom and not only were there lots of bikers participating in various rides, but there were lots of cars out to see the bluebonnets! We opted for the 44-mile ride because of the 30-mph winds. It was so gusty that I was afraid of losing control of my bike on several occasions! :(

But I made it. Attached are two photos, one of me at a rest stop on the shore of Lake Summerville and another of the bluebonnets that lined all along the road. This Saturday (yesterday, 8 April) is the LAST official MS 150 training ride for me. Again going out west from Houston near Brookshire, there will not be as many rolling hills as past rides and hopefully we get more moderate winds!

Only two weeks left ‘til the ride: 22 April. Just one week to get in all her pledges prior to the ride. Thanks to each of you who have already sent money and have pledged it.

Mary’s effort is human-powered. Finding a cure for MS takes cash. So if you haven't taken the time to pledge, now is a good time…and for a good cause. I have attached a link for your convenient, on-line donation. Go, Mary, go!

Marist Memorial

My high school was Marist College. I graduated in 1963: first class out of the new campus on Ashford-Dunwoody Road in northwest Atlanta. It was a military boys’ school, those days. Everyone was in the Corps of Cadets. I remember marching down Peachtree Street in parades – I don’t think I was a very good Lieutenant.

After college, some of us joined one of the armed services….and went to Viet Nam. Four of my classmates didn’t come back.

This past week, Marist School conducted a Military Memorial Service honoring “alumni who were killed while serving our country, missing in action, or prisoners of war.” On the memorial list, there are the names of 45 Marist graduates who lost their lives in the service dating back to World War I, starting with members of the Classes of ’04 and ’08.

Lauran Lightmas, Marist’s Alumni Director, was kind enough to send these ‘graphs about the Military Memorial Service to me.

The day truly was wonderful. The weather was beautiful and we had a great gathering of alumni, past parents, students, and families of those being honored. We gathered for Mass in the chapel where Edgar Livingston (alum and brother of honoree), Tim Keiley (alum and nephew of honoree), Col. Mick Maguire (alum and veteran), Phil Coletti (son of honoree), and Norma Nicholson (wife of Tony Nicholson, 1st cousin of honoree) all participated in different capacities.

After Mass, our crowd walked down to the Marist School Circle, where our dedication ceremony began right on time at 11:30. Fr. Egan (President of Marist School) welcomed the crowd, Marist School Eagle Scouts posted the colors, then Richard Reynolds (our Marist School Historian) gave a fitting introduction to our speaker, Frank Murphy '39 (Mr. Murphy's speech is attached). Mr. Murphy was a POW for nineteen months and he gave a wonderful speech.

After speaking, he unveiled the memorial for the crowd. He read each of the names listed on its face and moved many in our crowd to tears. The ceremony concluded with "Taps" on the bugle, a blessing of the memorial by Fr. Egan and a lunch blessing by Fr. Konzen (Principal of Marist School). The crowd then gathered under the arcade for lunch.

It was our pleasure at Marist to honor those alumni who gave such sacrifices to our country, as well as to pay tribute to Marist School's long and proud military history. It would have been impossible to put all of the day's events together without the commitment of our Marist School Military Service Memorial Committee, Richard Reynolds, Frank Murphy, Michael Walsh, Jim Boyd, and Joe Bruckner.

I didn’t make the trip. I sent flowers for the service in the Chapel, inscribed to my missing classmates: Tommy Biddulph, Richard Fox, Bill Gay and Richard Sutter.

I remember you. Richard Laurence Baron, ’63, USN.

Photo: Marist School, Atlanta, GA

Whiter Papers

A participant in a discussion group asked some timely questions earlier this week. Andrew Corcoran, Senior Lecturer at the UK’s University of Lincoln, asked:

Has anyone experience of webinars and their success, effectiveness or limitations? Lead generation? Qualification? Community building? In particular, are White Papers still an effective marcomms tool in comparison or as a complementary tool?

One respondent, Cleo Parker of BBDO, said:

Speaking as someone who's been close to a webinar junkie at different points in my life, webinars are much more engaging than White Papers. I have purchased and recommended books and vendors based on my impressions from webinars and also started some conversations with presenters who I will remember as category experts. White Papers, yes, I’ll download them and if they really grab me and aren’t too long, I’ll read them, but they by no means give the same sense of personality and credibility that a webinar does. I think adding another sensual element with the voice component adds a lot in terms of feeling you “know” the presenter.

Several other respondents (out of a very talented group) pointed out some of the challenges of webinars and the people who present them:

• The commitment of time. You've got to be really interested to take the time these days.
• How to find the right audience to invite to the webinar.

Having just completed and published a White Paper for a client, I think there are still some quite real advantages to this medium.

1. Many ‘endorsing’ consultants (in multi-faceted industries like software) use White Papers as proofs of intellectual leadership in a given niche. It’s something like publish-or-perish.

2. For young firms, White Papers represent a way to clarify their thinking…a well-written White Paper can be a useful tool for a sales force, and a more effective selling tool than a brochure (depending on the audience).

3. White papers are, by their nature (printed or pdf formats) relatively easy to distribute or place. This depends on the resources available to the producer-company to make the distribution happen.

4. They are quite a bit more portable than webinars.

Of course, a White Paper could be one of the handouts or follow-ups to a webinar. Conclusion (mine): White Papers aren’t buggy whips - yet. Heigh-ho for Friday!

Gdansk Too

Graham Rust sent over additional details of the Dialogue Managers’ Meeting. I thought it would be fun to put it in a Q&A format…him being such a celebrity and all. (Kinda like a dialogue – get it?) Link through to the new Dialogue members here, too.

(Britisher Graham, although founder and MD of the agency in the Czech Republic, can’t break his deplorable English spelling habit.)

Richard: Why – why – are all your photographs labeled “Sopot?”

Graham: The meeting was held in the Seaside “city” of Sopot, between Gdyna and Gdansk (together they make up the Tri-Cities.) Sopot boasts the longest wooden pier in Europe – see above. The resort, and indeed the practice of bathing in the sea (previously unthinkable to Poles), was originated by a Frenchman, a Monsieur Jean Haffner, after whom the event hotel was named.

R: The meeting went well?

G: The meeting’s usual good humour was only threatened by controversy over which country had the best windsurfing location in Europe. For the time being, with respect to our hosts, it was accepted as Poland.

R: What about your hosts?

G: Mediafocus, the host agency, was founded in Gdansk and still runs a successful office there, although they recognised the need to open in Warsaw. Grzegorz Inglot, MD of the Warsaw operation had to drive back overnight for an essential meeting on Friday...with regrets, he says he still feels at home in Gdansk.

R: There’s a new member in Turkey?

G: Dialogue’s new member for Turkey is OYKU (which means “little story” or “legend”). By coincidence, they started business in Ankara, the political capital; but realised they also needed an office in the commercial capital, Istanbul.

R: And in Spain and Portugal?

G: Below Group, the new member for Spain was founded in Seville, but eventually centered their head office in Madrid. They also opened in Barcelona, and then in Lisbon. So while Dialogue has grown from 20 to 22 agencies, we have actually added six important cities to Dialogue’s unequalled European coverage.

R: What up with the Dutch?

G: Dialogue’s member for the Netherlands, DataGold, has joined forces with another Dutch agency to become a new agency called Great, a powerful and professional agency, based in Rotterdam.

R: How about new business for Dialogue, the network?

G: Two major business issues were developed. The network is in the process of securing the pan-European dealer marketing task for a major brand, and the 2006 Dialogue Forum will execute a brand development project for a pan-European luxury brand. We look forward to releasing the identities of these two important network clients soon.

R: What’s the meeting schedule going forward?

G: The Dialogue 2006 Forum will be held in Malta, the autumn Managers' Meeting in Paris...and, for 2007, we are spoilt for choice of new destinations for the ongoing series of meetings which build the strong personal and business relationships of Dialogue. (As my father-in-law, a Lincolnshire butcher, used to say: “this’l’atter’do.”)

Best to you, Richard. Never a meeting goes by without your name coming up, and always with affection.

Gdansk One

Hard on the heels of the new Dialogue International website, Graham Rust, Chairman of Rust 2 in Prague, sent several dozen photos of the Gdansk Managers’ Meeting. Some of his accompanying notes:

Our meeting in Gdansk was an enjoyable success, thanks to old and new friends, and the great hospitality of [MediaFocus’s] Tomasz Zdybel and Grzegorz Inglot.

In just 36 hours, we ranged across Word of Mouth advertising... political advertising... Dialogue’s healthy financial state...network internet and extranet. We saw the remarkably reconstructed Old Town of Gdansk, which had been bombed flat during WW2... we visited the shipyard where Lech Walesa led the Solidarity union through strikes which started Soviet dominos falling all over eastern Europe... we drank Goldwasser, a unique Gdansk liqueur which contains real 24-carat gold... and learned of the reputation of each of our nations with the Polish people (based loosely on how often we had invaded them!).

Attached are a few megs of pictures. On Day Two I screwed up, my camera was set on night vision, so it did not really captured the beauty of the Old Town of Gdansk. Alison Meadows will arrange for WAR to post some pictures on the website. And, who knows, some might find their way into the blogosphere...

Above are three from Graham’s collection. Top to bottom: Part of the Old Town (with the famous Lighthouse, circa 1903, behind to the left); the meeting’s hotel; and some of the usual suspects walking down the hotel drive.

As for news, it appears as though Dialogue International has added three new members, from Portugal, Spain and Turkey. Welcome to Dialogue. I’ll introduce them to you in the next post.

Separately, Graham referred to me, Robert Ware and Frits Slootweg as Distinguished Friends. It’s nice to be remembered. Thank you from the blogosphere, Graham, for the pix and the compliment.

New Website

Dialogue International has a spanking new website. The European-based independent ad agency network, for which I was the US representative for so many years – and Chairman for two – has a new and dynamic face. It lets you link to every one of the 19 members…and gives you some idea of just how vital Dialogue continues to be.

The organization has just finished its Spring Managers’ Meeting in Gdansk, Poland, although I don’t yet know how Spring-like it was there in northern Europe. I hope to have photos soon. Meantime, enjoy the new site.

Scooterteq Slices

Stopping for an after-Martini Night Martini at Rudyard’s, I met James K Wood, with whom I carefully avoided arguing politics. I did take one of his biz-cards when I left. That’s how I discovered that Jim is President of Scooterteq Motor Corporation – a firm he started to import and market vastly improved electric bicycles.

These, however, are electric bikes that look like Vespas. So the name. They are manufactured to his advanced specs in China. Taking the shortest distance to content, I quote from one of his websites:

Scooterteq electric power assisted bicycles are the only e-bikes specifically designed to meet all North American requirements, from Canada in the North to the southernmost reaches of the United States. We use high power advanced design brushless DC motors and high voltage power systems that will operate at the maximum speed allowed by law. The use of electric bicycles as an alternate method of transportation for both commuting and recreation is widely encouraged by states and provinces.

He’s using the Scooterteq brand to build equity, since the bikes have been imported and sold only in British Columbia, Canada, so far. It’s been his test market. The corporate HQ is here in Houston. But the initial container of Scooterteqs will be shipped to New England, where he’s gained his first US distributorship.

Jim is doubling up by also marketing under another trademark, Eclectic Electric. He has a website for this trademark as well.

From the specifications I can read, and comparing Scooterteq bikes to some of the common-or-garden electric bicycles I’ve found on other websites (here, for example), these are robust machines. And as Jim says, they’re not only legal without licensing (because they’re bicycles, you see); they run at 20 miles per hour with a range of 30 miles. To recharge, just plug ‘em into any wall socket.

Jim has found potentially rich slice of the market, or even two:

• The ever-growing population of 55-and-up people who don’t want the mess and the fuss of gasoline-powered motor scooters – which do require operators’ licenses in all States.
• Near-town or neighborhood bicycle commuters who don’t want to get sweaty on a human-powered bike (a genuine problem anywhere south of the Line, minimum).

Fine niches. His challenge is the start-up, the chicken-and-the-egg problem facing every entrepreneur: selling enough Scooterteq bikes to make money and having enough money to lots of bikes for good penetration.

These are not mopeds. Not the electric-powered stand-up scooters that appeal to the young and well-balanced. And definitely not the Segway Human Transporters drive municipal officials batty every time one shows up on a sidewalk.

The product form-factor is familiar. He’s covered his engineering front. These appear to be stout, efficient machines. (Read the specs for yourself on the website.)

Branding? He knows the issues and thinks he can make “Scooterteq” stand for a new, better form of electric bicycles.

Can Jim’s marketing penetrate the right niches? Can he and his distribution channel gain sales? In time to keep the concept and the company riding the steep grade to success? We’ll check in with Jim from time to time and let you know. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even let me try one – as soon as he gets one to Houston for himself.

Photo courtesy of Scooterteq Motor Corporation, Houston, TX.

Stamped “Divorce”

DAVENPORT, WA – One month after issuing the Our Wedding stamps set, the US Postal Service is releasing The Break stamp to commemorate divorce. The 39-cent, one-ounce stamp is being introduced at the Lincoln County Courthouse here on Saturday, April 1. “We felt it appropriate to introduce this stamp here in Davenport,” said Erlenmeyer Flask, Temporary Adjunct Advisor on Consumer Affairs.

“CBS News, in a copyrighted story, noted that Davenport is the quickie-divorce capital of Washington. ‘ It is one of the few counties in the nation where marriages can be dissolved by mail without a court appearance,’” Flask quoted.

“Divorce by mail! What better place for this new stamp to make its debut?”

The rate of divorce in the US continues to climb. As a result, the new stamp is expected to appeal not only to spouses who want to mail in their divorce requests, but want to serve their partners with legal papers and other forms of notification via US mail.

Using Spenserian ornamental script, the stamp features an attractive illustration of the moment a cue ball breaks the rack of billiard balls, scattering the elements of a family across an imaginary pool table. “It’s tasteful, yet it carries an image that will appeal to collectors too,” stated Flask.

The stamp will be formally unveiled on the front lawn of the County Courthouse at one minute after midnight on April 1. Although no US government officials or elected representatives have committed to an appearance, a photographer from Divorce magazine indicated he might attend if he stays up that late.

Current US stamps are available by toll-free phone order at 1-800-STAMP-24. The Break, however, will be available only from divorce attorneys throughout the US, in booklets of 24 and sheets of 100 stamps. Beautifully framed prints of original stamp art for delivery direct to the office, home or temporary abode can also be ordered.

Thanks and a tip of the Hatlo hat to SD Kirkland, Master Designer, for the stamp design. Consider it an early April’s Fool gift.

Wedding Niche

This news should have gotten to you sooner. But I had thought to save the next installment of posts about niche marketing for a more appropriate time. Yesterday, though, I heard that a cousin has gotten engaged. Which means there’s a wedding in his future (Mazel tov!). Now this cannot wait.

To quote the official Stamp News Release No. 06-008 at www.usps.com:

Making it easier to mail wedding invitations, the US Postal Service issued the Our Wedding stamp booklet containing two beautiful new stamps. The one-ounce stamp is intended for use on the RSVP envelope often enclosed with a wedding invitation; the two-ounce stamp will accommodate the normal weight of a wedding invitation with enclosures.

This unique booklet was issued at Kleinfeld, the world’s most famous bridal salon, and featured a live fashion show. The stamps, available only in New York City today, will be available nationwide tomorrow, March 2.

Correctomundo: the Post Office has issued a pair of stamps for wedding invitations. Another phenomenal example of niche marketing – by a pretty savvy marketing organization.

How big is this market niche? Oh, not a niche…a canyon. (Over which, I suppose, is a promontory with a very large sign that says, “Lovers’ Leap.”)

According to one independent research report, circa the Year Three, a domestic wedding market generates about $50 billion in retail sales annually. Every year more than two million couples get married in the US…the 2006 wedding market in America is supposed to increase 1% over 2005 to an estimated 2,271,910 weddings. That’s a pretty specific number.

Couples (and their families without a doubt) will be spending an estimated average cost of $26,800 on their wedding. Not counting the honeymoon. Why? ‘Cause it supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, a major life milestone. Consumers tend to throw big budgets at the wedding and related purchases.

You can buy another, current report covering anticipated growth in the “wedding niche” ‘til 2010 here. You should, in case you need some supportive material for your own impending nuptial plan.

The Post Office, of course, is marketing these stamps as a matter of convenience. The PR release quotes the USPS Vice President of Consumer Affairs as saying, “Planning a wedding is no small task. By simplifying stamp buying, couples can mark off one item on their checklist.”

The USPS intro’d the new stamps at a bash in New York City on March 1 with [a] one of the oldest wedding dress emporiums in the city, [b] the Weddings Editor of The Knot, Inc. magazine; and [c] New York’s “premier wedding cake creator.” That’s an event!

Talk about niches – 2.3 million weddings mean at least 4.6 million brides and grooms. That’s the minimum number of market participants. The US defense industry doesn’t have nearly that kind of buyer population (though the “related purchases” come with much higher price tags).

The two stamps – with lavender and spring green backgrounds – are rather nice. The details:

“Our Wedding”
Pane of 40
$0.39 (one ounce) and $0.63 (two ounce)
Self-Adhesive
Price: $20.40

Keep the guest list to a mild roar and these could be one of the least expensive purchases of the total “marriage buy.” Better wed now, while the postal rates are low.

Lennon Lied?

Robert Fusillo responded to yesterday’s post. He recalls that the song is older. I’m troubled by the same recollection – but Lennon claimed it in the famous John-Yoko Playboy interview in 1981 (though the quote below is from here):

I wrote it during that time [the lost weekend ]. That’s how I felt. It exactly expresses the whole period. For some reason, I always imagined Sinatra singing that one. I don't know why. It’s kind of a Sinatra-esque song, really. He would do a perfect job with it. Are you listening, Frank ? You need a song that isn’t a piece of nothing. Here’s the one for you, the horn arrangement and everything’s made for you. But don’t ask me to produce it.

Robert wrote back: “Jimmy Cox, 1922. Not the Jimmy Cox who wrote some Broadway stuff a decade ago. The latter did a tribute to Eric Clapton with the song in it, so it might be a relative.” His source is here.

While he was doing that, I searched through my LPs and found the album with the Judy Henske cover: Dave Guard and the Whiskeyhill Singers (Capitol T/ST-1728). Here’s the album note:

NOBODY KNOWS YOU WHEN YOU’RE DOWN AND OUT – Is a fine old Bessie Smith blues, written by Jimmy Cox. Buckwheat [David Wheat] plays the twelve-stringed guitar, Cyrus [Cyrus Faryar] the Spanish guitar, and Judy [Judy Henske] takes the spotlight as a soloist this time. Hi-fi fans will be interested to note that the meter registers 15 db in the end there.

I apologize for the misinformation below – I should have done more homework. So...what’s John Lennon talking about?

Eagle Grins

This morning, I called my bank; spoke to a pleasant woman in Birmingham. I told her I had to transfer some money from savings to my checking account. She said she’d be glad to help me with the transaction. I replied that I had to pay some bills but I’d much rather “hold on to those dollars ‘til the eagles grinned.”

She laughed – and said she’d never heard that phrase before.

I had to set my wayback machine. John Lennon wrote the song from which this line came, although the best cover ever has to be the version by Judy Henske. I still have it (on a Whiskey Hill Singers LP?) around here somewhere. It was such a rough-throated rendition, I felt like it was a Depression-era song. I read somewhere she’s a grandmother now, still singing.

So for the lady in that Birmingham call center, here are the lyrics:

Once I lived a life of a millionaire,
Spend all my money, didn’t have any care.
Took all my friends out for a mighty good time,
We bought bootleg liquor, champagne and wine.

Then I began to fall so low,
Lost all my good friends and nowhere to go.
If I get my hands on a dollar again,
I'll hang on to it ‘til that ol’ eagle grins

Because nobody loves you,
When you’re down and out,
In your pocket not one penny,
And as for friends you don’t have many.

When you get back on your feet again,
Everybody wants to be your long lost friend.
I said it’s strange without any doubt,
Nobody knows you when you’re down and out.

The song is sad. The memory is laughter.